36 followers?

Somehow with my not writing in this blog I've gained more followers than when I was writing. Go figure. One day my blog and I will get back together, it will happen. It's the same hopes that I have for Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. One day they will get back together, I just know it. For now though I'd just like to say hello to the new readers and now I should get back to my couch time, 2 surgeries in 2 weeks, I've sincerely lost my mind or maybe my common sense.

Oh and listen to this Speak Now while your at it. Taylor Swift should run for president, I'd vote for her.

Speaking of voting, did anyone have issues with the new way of voting. In NY we have new electronic machines. You fill in the bubble and send them through the reader. My first two were rejected and then I was informed that I had one more try and that if I messed it up I would be unable to vote. Maybe it was the painkillers but I flipped my s**t on the woman about how I believe that her denying me the right to cast a ballot because I can not fill out the stupid bubbles and circles correctly goes against every law in the voting world. Heck, isn't it against the law to not allow me to vote. My left arm is wrapped tighter than a freaken mummy and so my arm is useless for the next week. My right hand I call my MS hand and it shakes more than leaves on trees in a hurricane sometimes. Today was one of those days where I didn't have perfect control of my hand so for her to make that comment took me over the edge. What she should have done was either help me fill out the ballot or find someone who would be able to assist me fill out the damn circles properly. In my book she gets a F- in voting 101.

It's not you, it's me.

Dear Blog,

I am breaking up with you. Yes, I know I am using the same line as George in Seinfeld, but I am willing to give credit due where it is deserved. Sure I am breaking up with you in a letter but it's definitely better than when Joe Jonas broke Taylor Swifts' heart via the worlds shortest phone call. You are probably wondering why I am choosing to end my long term relationship with you but instead of taking the easy way out and insisting that I am just not ready for such a commitment I will try to explain why we have grown apart.

When I first started this relationship, you my blog, where my outlet for anything and everything. As time move on since my MS diagnosis I used you to find others with similar stories and to feel accepted into this online community. However, even after the countless restless nights we've spent together editing your html code and making you mine, I have decided it's in my best interest to let you go. 

You have become a chore, a chore that I do not look forward to. It feels like work when I write in here and to be quite blunt, not everyone who reads this blog respects my thoughts or opinions. 

This was my first blog, but it will not be my last. I hope you understand that it is time for us to go our separate ways. I am just looking forward to a blog where I can write about my favorite music, guys and chocolate chip cookies. Something that is not serious, and not taken so seriously. 

I hope you, my dear blog, understand this, it's not you, it's me. I am moving on. You've been great. 

Love,

Steph

P.S. Thanks to all my blog readers over the past two years. It's been a great run, but it's time to take my thoughts elsewhere in the cyber-world.  I hope you all enjoy reading your comments about your blogs because I do not. I actually dread it. I hate the feeling of being judge and critiqued by people I've never met. There are a handful of blogs I truly enjoy reading and I will continue to make little comments there but I feel that my next blog needs to take a new direction. 

Long time no blog...

Theres alot going on in my head. Instead of blogging all my thoughts and such I thought I would just pop in and leave you with a few things.

Last night I woke up sweating from a dream, like one of those nasty sweats where you feel like you've just stepped out of the shower that you took with all of your clothes on. No...it wasn't a inappropriate dream with like Gerard Butler...or someone with an accent (gosh forbid I enjoy my dream)...I woke up after dreaming that I was pushed out onto the stage at a Victoria Secret Runway Show in a skimpy outfit. Like incredibly skimpy. I will say I have a fear of that store in the mall. They don't even carry my size. I went once and the store employee firmly stated that they do not carry my size and that I would have better luck elsewhere. Anyhoo, I woke up and was so thankful to have shorts and a tank on...oddly I never thought I'd be thankful for that.

My families good friends have two sons. One who was just shipped off to Afganistan and one who will be heading there next month. The one who is going next month recentely was married and his first kid was born. Anyways, his mother is trying to set me up with the MINISTER who married her son and his wife. Yup, army minister I guess. Since when is 22 the age to start being set up on dates? I just hope that this minister isn't at their sons deployment send-off party. My family is unable to attend but I am being sent as the official ambassador with my famous cookies so I will have no one to hide behind to avoid the awkward conversation that will surely happen if I have to talk to the minister. The word minister freaks me out.

Hopefully my blogging will return to its regularly scheduled posting next week. 

TGIF

Oh my goodness I am so glad it is Friday. I worked 7:30-12 and then drove two hours for Tysabri. On Tuesday my left hand started going asleep a lot. I didn't think much of it but of course my pinkie and ring finger are now completely numb with my hand and forearm going back and forth between tingling and numb. Personally I prefer numb...my right hand and foot are numb and at least my right side will some company. The whole asleep, super tingly feeling is so freaken annoying. Well, I did not call my doctor, because honestly I didn't want steroids. I do not like moon face. Moon face is so not my look.

Today at Tysabri I mentioned my numbness to the nurse who of course called the PA because my doctor is on vacation. The PA came down and went over my options: 1) steroids today 2) MRI asap and then steroids or 3) wait and see but still get a spine MRI anyways.

I choose to skip the steroids and he was rather perplexed by my decision. He's new to the office and well he has never ever met me before. As my doctor says I am a special case. Steroids do nothing for me but cause the great side effects that we all love to hate. So my doctor never goes for steroids unless he has no other options. So I explained to him my reasoning and he agreed that steroids seemed like the wrong reaction for now. So they scheduled me for a MRI on Sunday. I was perfectly OK with next week or the week after...or never. I always find it weird when doctors are more concerned than the patient. So Sunday I will once again be stuffed in a MRI tube...at least I will get a good nap in.

My good news for this post is that I will be picking up my new car on Wednesday at 5! I am so excited!

I called my insurance company for a quote for the car I will be leasing as soon as the insurance part is straightened up. After going through the vin number and such I was quoted:

$1,950 a year. I almost feel off my chair. Now my parents has prepared me for an increase and they kept saying "it can't be worse than the Mustang"...well its just you know 750 more than a new Mustang. You know its bad when the insurance agent who you met once says "Umm don''t sign the lease yet...I'm going to call around because you shouldn't be paying that ever."

To top off my day I went to write my FIRST check today to hold my car at Honda. I was so excited, my first check with my name on it and everything. I just set up my checking account and got checks last week in the mail. When I got the checks I made sure they were all in the box and stuffed them away. Today I go to fill out my first check and guess what...my last name was spelled totally wrong. There apparently was some miscommunication between my credit union and the check maker.

Oh and did I mention I mislabeled over 40 files today at work. Talk about wanting to bang my head against the desk.

Is it Friday yet?

Oh and once again I am exhausted so there was no spell check or editing...I apologize if that offends the perfectionists out there :)

Safety Training

Everything I knew about office safety training was from an episode from The Office. I thought it was common sense. I had one on one safety training today with a man who spoke in a monotone voice for 54 minutes. I have to bit my tongue and a cover my mouth to avoid laughing. I wont lie at times I sat there almost shaking because I was trying so hard not to laugh. He took it seriously but I just couldn't do it. A few things I learned:

- Never, ever go in the room marked with radiation signs! (Which they have special key readers for and I so didn't get the special radiation room key so until I figure out how to break in I think I safe)

- The office is a dangerous place, its a land full of paper cuts, carpel tunnel and back problems. At one point he started to discuss the possibility that papers will become airborne and cut my corneas. He went in to graphic detail. I laughed. I laughed out loud. 

- I learned that I should not drink printer ink. It's a chemical. Chemicals are bad. If I want to change a printer cartridge I need to take the proper precautions - gloves to my elbows, a smock and safety glasses. 

- I learned the definition of flammable. My dad isn't a retired firefighter or anything and I most certainly have no comprehension of the English language. Maybe my inability to sit still and remain silent and laughter-free lead him to believe I was a special employee of some sorts...

- He also went over safety at my home. How to read chemical labels and that I should never ever ingest chemicals. If only he knew Windex(the blue colored one of course) was the magic component in my famous martinis...

At the end of the training and tour he asked what high school I graduated from. I answered and he asked where I was planning to go to college. I was confused and then awkwardly said I already graduated college. He didn't believe me. 

Off to bed I go...another day of work tomorrow...thrilling...I also hope this doesn't have a hundred typos I'm to tired to edit.

Long Weekend

Saturday I headed to the NYS Fair. My mom and I go every year but we try and go on a day that is rainy or overcast. Since I will be working all week I thought going Saturday would be a good idea. Well my mom decided to go around 11:30am and by 1pm I was done. The sun was out, it was 85ish out and hot. Hot, hot, hot. By 1 I was dragging and luckily by 2:30 we booked outta there. I just remember walking through the crowds of people down the midway and having one of those out of body moments where you feel like you are just watching your body navigate through the crowds. It was strange. Needless to say the remainder of the weekend I have been exhausted. I spent the day today looking for a new car...apparently my dad decided it was time for my car to retire. It's a bit sad, but I guess the time has come for my 99' gas guzzler who only gets 11miles to the gallon on a good day. I will miss its insane ability to make other drivers move outta my way or its ability to plow through the nastiest weather. I will be moving on to a smaller car, either a Corolla or a Civic...I however am not looking forward to car payments and student loan payments.

Jobs and the insane interviews that are required

I will just make the statement that interviews are by far the most terrifying experiences. I would rather bungee jump off bridges, ride the tallest roller coasters and sky-dive over going through an interview. I had a interview, and I mean a big interview, on Wednesday. I sat across from a panel of 4 people : the owner, the owners wife, the partner and the office manager. It was terrifying. It's one of those interviews were you secretly hope that everyone is a germaphobe so they won't shake your hand because your hand is so sweaty its embarrassing and you start to think maybe I should get botox in my hand because I've heard that its makes your sweat glands stop sweating or something.

See and then kinda like that last sentence my brain jumps around like a thousand jumping beans are jumbling my thoughts and complete random things come out. I do think that despite my extreme nerves I did quite well and plus they only interviewed 5 candidates from a sea of interested people. So I should feel confident in that and if I don't get the job it was a learning experience...and oh I kind of just was hired today and a technology company doing geeky things for the next month/month and a half or so...so at least I will be entertained for a while.

Professionalism

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the word professionalism as:

1 : the conduct, aims, or qualities that characterize or mark a profession or a professional person
2 : the following of a profession (as athletics) for gain or livelihood

I was contacted by a company this afternoon that I had applied to last week. I love when companies email me, I am not going to lie I hate awkward phone calls. I started reading the email and in the first line I found the first error. The introduction started like this "Hello Tas...." I don't know about you but I usually don't usually address people by their last name. My high school gym teacher used to call me by my last name, but he also was one of the few that could actually pronounce it.

The second issue is that they want me to complete a credit report. Fine, whatever, but the website they ask you to go through automatically signs you up for a monthly credit report service that conveniently costs $14.95 a month so of course when you are filling out the form they ask for you credit card information. 

Anyways I am in the full on process of job hunting. It would be helpful if company hiring would act a bit more professional through the process so I would actually want to interview there. This morning I made the threat that I would put all my loans on my credit card (like they would even fit) and then swim to Cuba. I would pack a few of my favorite things - my insanely comfortable Gap boyfriend jeans, my iPod, a few boxes of Peanut Butter Ginger Chews and my Matt Nathanson seat belt hoodie.

Tysabri #21

Yesterday I had my 21st Tysabri infusion. I learned a new fact - I am the only patient at the office who has been put on Tysabri before trying any other drug. At first my competitive side took over and was thinking "oh - I'm awesome I'm the only one" but then my logical side imparted its wisdom with "thats not necessarily a good thing." Luckily I feel better after getting Tysabri so I'm back to my normal perky self.

Oh and I had a MRI yesterday. The only thing I have to say is blood everywhere. So MRI's with contrast involve iv's and dye. The PA that put in my IV must have had a off day because blood ended up everywhere. I never look at the whole inserting the iv thing so when the PA said it was all done I looked and gagged as my arm was covered in blood. No bueno. Anyways - other than the messiness the MRI went well. I never ever fall asleep in cars or planes, or any place other than a bed, but I always am able to fall asleep in a MRI tube with the loudest banging and clunking noises ever. I guess I am gifted. 

"Tap on my window knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful"

So last night was a amazing night. I will once again declare that Adam Levine is oh so attractive.

Today, unlike my amazing night yesterday, was not so amazing. Today MS kicked my behind. Today it seemed like my feet were round, I couldn't stay balanced or upright for anything. I managed to drop anything I got my hands on. I was looking forward t a nice yoga night but about 8 minutes into the routine my arms were shaking and I was tired. I ended up watching the rest of the 40+ minute routine while laying on my mat. Finally I think tonight I've set a record for the coldest shower I've ever taken and still managed to feel like my body was burning.

Tomorrow will be a long day and for the first time in a long time I'm nervous about Tysabri. Maybe it's because Steph will be M.I.A tomorrow or maybe I'm just over-thinking things but anyways I've mapped out a cupcake shop that I've been dying to try so hopefully that will be my added incentive to make it through Tysabri and a MRI tomorrow.

Last day of work

So for the past three weeks I've been a busy little worker bee. Unfortunately due to a hiring freeze (thank you economy) they can't keep me for good yet. However, my bosses boss told me that he is leaving my workstation and everything all the same so when I hopefully come back I'll be all set. Oh and this morning was a bit eventful. My dad has been dropping me off at work to save on he insane parking fees, so this morning like most others I was dropped outside my building and my dad pulled away and I headed to the door. Of course on my last day I was harassed by a man. He just kept yelling not so great things at me. So I just kept walking straight for the building. He proceeds to cross the road and follow me up the massive steps to the building all awhile yelling things at me. So I of course pick up my pace to a skip, hop and jump speed and he starts yelling for me not to run away from him and this and that. Of course the streets are like empty so I'm thinking I'm going to be shanked with a dirty pipe (I watch way to many prison shows). So I run into the building which is about as secure as they get due to security check points at every turn. I think if that happened on my first day I would have had my dad escort me to the building daily. :)

 As much as it sucks to have to go back to the job search it is kind of working out this week just because I have so much to get done. Monday is jammed pack with amazingness - Tysabri at 1 and a MRI at 6:45pm. I'm staying out in Rochester with one of the Hannah's apartment because I have no idea when I'll be out of the MRI and the route home is plagued with night time construction. This is going to be like my millionth MRI...OK so not my millionth but I've had more than my share. Just off my head I've had MRI's for the following:

-left knee
-right knee
-left knee (yeah each of those lead to knee surgeries...I have no idea why my parents let me play soccer for so long)
-right hip
-lower spine
-right hip with contrast
-brain (before MS for a chiropractic visit gone horribly wrong. This was actually just about one year before I was diagnosed with MS, surprisingly my MRI was spotless)
-brain
-spine
-brain
-brain
-brain
-brain
-brain
-brain
-brain (this will be my one on Monday, MRI #16)

So I've had 16 of these and I'm 22. At what point do I set a record?

I am also house sitting next week. Oh and Thursday I am headed to the orthopedic. When I had my second MS attack I was scheduled for surgery on my hip. My IT band in pretty scarred up from being dislocated a few years back so I was slated to have it worked on and fixed up but that never happened. I kept putting it off after that and the less active I was the less it hurt. Now that I've been way more active with the gym and yoga my hip is killing me so I've decided there is no time like the present to go under the knife and get it squared away for good.

Oh and I almost forgot, my mom and I have tickets tomorrow to Maroon 5. We are in the 11th row or something insane and I am so excited. I'll admit that I am most certainly very much attracted to the main singer Adam Levine. He drives a motorcycle, he is throughly tattooed yup I think I'm in love.

"You own a motorcycle?!?"

"You own a motorcycle?!?" was the first thing out of my aunts mouth when she overheard me talking about my bike to one of my cousins. Our conversation then continued like this:

Me: "Well, my brother and I bought it together and share the expenses."
Aunt: "But you're a girl..."
Me: "Yes, yes I am...but the bike is a perfect starter for me."
Aunt: "But you have MS"

Me: "Yeah but I still have arms and legs and all the necessary skill to ride"

Aunt: "But it's dangerous"

Me: "Walking across the street can be dangerous, you still walk across them anyways"

Aunt: "Well...I still don't like you riding"

Me: "But you are fine with Kevin(aka- my brother) riding?

Aunt: "Well he is a boy."

Me: "Oh thats right I forgot only boys can ride."

Just because I have MS doesn't mean I should sit at home and stare at the walls. Shouldn't people just learn to embrace the fact that I am healthy, having fun and enjoying life. I feel empowered and confident when I ride, maybe they should try it sometime. 

Weekend Post

I promised a weekend post so I hope it's all you've dreamed of and of course much much more.

Last Sunday was my grandfathers wake. For some reason on Sunday I felt at peace with everything going on. I didn't expect to feel so at ease at the funeral home. Maybe it is because in the most serious situations I am always the one who deals with it by smiling or laughing. I can't help that I am a nervous laugher. I hope that no one got the wrong impression that I was not sad or upset but I was genuinely alright with everything happening. The more I thought about things after my grandfather passed I reassured myself that he knew the possible outcomes when he signed his name on the line agreeing to the initial surgery. While this was never the desired outcome, life followed its set course and this was the ending that was written for his story.

My dads mother died when he was 13. My dads father died when I was 3. I will be forever grateful for the almost 22 amazing years I spent with the only grandfather I've known. The memories will live on forever in my heart and in the smiling faces plastered across faces in years and years of photographs.

Last Tuesday I had my 6 month check up with my neurologist. He of course was amazed at how far I have come and how healthy and happy I am. If you would have told me a two years ago when I was diagnosed that in  a few years I would be able to accept all the cards I have been dealt I would have laughed and walked the other way. During my appointment I was a proactive patient asking all my questions and being very aware of everything that was being discussed. I asked to see my old MRIs so that I could compare them to my latest set. I asked about my labs and blood work and my options for the future. I have heard that at the two year point many doctors have been pulling patients off Tysabri and while my doctor admitted that for some of his less active MS patients he was doing the same he was very honest in his op onion of my particular case of MS. Since I had such a active case of MS he and I agreed that the risks of staying on Tysabri were worth it. I have more of a fear of the outcome of  being pulled off Tysabri because the overall conclusion is that I would not make it more than a few months before being hit hard with new lesions. Luckily for me I have been cleared for the next 6 months of Tysabri and that is very exciting news.

The day of my appointment I had the day off from work and was able to hit up three music stores out in Rochester. It is very evident that I have a music addiction. I am addicted to cds and luckily Rochester has three amazing stores that have a abundance of new and used cds. I have been buying used cd's for a long time now and aside from saving money and getting more for my buck I will admit that I like giving used cd's a home. I know - I am strange.

I met up with Steph and one of the Hannahs for dinner that night as well. Steph surprised me with my birthday present which was this gigantic basket fill with yoga stuff. I have been on a yoga kick for a while now and it just has this amazing affect of calming my nerves with the added benefit of strength, flexibility and better coordination. In addition to my latest yoga phase I started the whole eating healthy kick in January. I cut out a large portion of the junk I had been eating. I gave up soda for good along with overly processed foods. I am what people call a flexitarian. Once in a while I eat meat, sometimes I just can't help it. I eat so many more vegetables and fruits. I choose organic with some produce and foods. I thought I would hate having to be so  aware of what I ate but I find that I enjoy it so much more when I know the food I am putting in my body is actually good for me. The added benefits of feeling better and being able to finally drop the steroid weight that I had been convinced was permanently glued to my thighs, butt and stomach, has continued to motivate me to stick with this new lifestyle. So not only do I fit into my old jeans, I feel better, and I am conscious and aware of where my food comes from and I choose to eat and support farmers which makes me feel like a much better consumer.

Lastly did I mention I have a job? It's temporary for now. I work from 10am to 6pm. My hours are perfect for me, I get to sleep till 8 and go to work awake and alert. I guess I am doing a good job because when I started I was only going to be there for two weeks. Next week will be my third week. I was upgraded to my own office so someone must like me work ethics enough to keep me around a third week. Sure it is not my dream job but it utilizes my skills nicely and I confident in the products I am producing. Basically I am taking information from the research department and putting it into PowerPoint presentations that are given to the clients for their use. I will just proclaim myself the unofficial PowerPoint princess.

I think that was my update for now. My fingers are getting a bit too warm from my laptop and typing so I think it is a wise time to call it a night. I hope everyone is having a healthy, happy and enjoyable summer. I promise I will try to do better with updating my blog.

P.S... OK, so I know that weird comments come with the whole letting anyone comment on my blog, but lately my comments have been flooded with unidentified languages and just odd things. I got a few comments that were exactly the same so I hope I am not the only one getting the weirdness, because I personally prefer to share the weirdness equally.  For example, I received this comment on a couple of blog posts on the same day:

"Hello there, I am looking for MS patients all over the net. In few weeks something v ery big is coming for MS and Alzheimers disease. I have to let you know that I am not selling anything or a part of prayer group. It is a coincidence that I was informed about this. So please if you know anyone including yourself is suffering from these illnesses, help me spread the good news. All you have to do is follow me @ http://twitter.com/MS_Buddie
Or send messages through here.
I know this not very detailed information, but I am only allowed to say this much about the news.

I sincerely promise you I am no salesman, or trying to give empty hopes here.
I am simply messenger of good news, and best part about this for me that it is Blessing news.
This is nothing to be ignored, it will change lives. You got nothing to lose by following me.
Good luck, and contact me if you have any questions."

A part of me just wants to follow him/her and then just plague there twitter with comments, but the 22 year old, adult, working member or society says that is not the mature thing to do. I can't lie, I am very curious what the heck they are talking about. Personally I hope it is something to the effect that every MS patient gets a free pony, because I've always wanted a pony or at least that's what everyone wanted at some point in their life. Don't laugh, I know you've thought about having a pony too...

random stuff

I really want to post a huge post with updates about everything, from work, to wakes, 6 month neuro checkup and even yoga, but instead I am going to head to bed because I am absolutely exhausted. 

I will however say that today I made a very important life decision: When I have money to spend on randomness I will be buying myself a Edible Arraignment(you know the amazing fruit basket things preferably the ones dipped in chocolate) for my birthday every single year. I will of course eat the entire basket myself because I can and because they are just that good. I am apparently a sucker for chocolate dipped fruit on sticks. I just thought you'd like to know that. 

Anyways, I hope all is well in blogger world and I promise I will be back this weekend with a actual post chalked full of randomness and my own amazing insight on my very own scattered, random swarm of craziness that has engulfed my life. Goodnight xoxo.

Yup, I closed with a xoxo, I don't like kisses and I most certainly do not like hugs, its just another testament that I am way to tired to still be up.

Happy 22nd Birthday to me...

I am very much certain that I would like to redo my birthday. I talked with a few friends and have come to the conclusion that it my birthday has been postponed indefinitely. I started a job at a company downtown through the temp agency. I stare at PowerPoint all day and make corrections and revisions over and over again. It's only going to last 2-3 weeks and then I will return the role of "Dean" back to the man himself.

I was perfectly alright with working on my birthday. I figured when I came home I would scarf down dinner and then I would see all my family and we would eat pie and have a nice evening. When my dad picked me up at work I was notified that my grandfathers ventilator tube was disconnected and he is not expected to make it very long, maybe a day at the most. My dads family still came over and was all in birthday mode but it is hard to watch my mom going through this. Its rough. Really rough.

I debated posting tonight and have finally come to the conclusion that a post is in order. My grandfather is still in the ICU, still sedated and still on a ventilator. When I think about it or write about it, it doesn't seem real. Doctors are speculating that when he was transported from Boston to the nursing home in New York he suffered a heart attack. Apparently one of the main valves in his heart isn't working properly and there is fluid surrounding his heart.

I think at this point I'm just so numb to the idea that something could happen to him that I just can't wrap my mind around the situation. I talk to my dad and he is very upfront and clear of the possibilities and doesn't hold back information. The weird part is that I could talk all day about it and remain perfectly composed. My grandfather hasn't been around at all for the past (almost) two months now and I feel like nothing is changed. I'm used to seeing my grandfather every week for dinner. We've missed almost 8 of those dinners now and yet nothing feels different. Maybe this is me avoiding the whole situation, but it's strange to think I haven't even shed a tear. Of course I am worried that I won't get to say goodbye but in the same sentence I still remember the last night he was still himself. He was staying the night before his quadruple bypass and he couldn't figure out the remote to our TV in our basement (which is conveniently labeled as the in-law suite) to watch the Yankees. So I went hopping down the stairs and found his beloved Yankees, gave him a kiss on the cheek and wished him the best of luck. It's weird to think that could be the last memory.

I saw him once in the hospital after his bypass and he didn't look the same. My parents wanted me to go but I had no real desire to go. I am not a hospital person, I get dizzy and nauseous with all the smells, nosies and people. Hospitals and I do not get along. I went, I signed a pillow that heart patients get, and I left him to sleep, I didn't wake him up, maybe I should have so I could have at least said hello.

It's amazing how this blog that was once supposed to be all about me and my MS has changed so much. I used to think that MS was going to be in my every thought but it amazes me how much has changed in such a short time. I am thankful that through this process I have been able to share some of the thoughts swirling around in my head because I think we all need a outlet sometimes.

Hope all is well, hopefully soon I will get back to blogging the more happy, random things swirling around in my head and life, that are just dying to get out and onto this blog. <3

My MS Health

Yesterday in the mail I received this packet of information for a new pilot study called My MS Health. "The new, web-based research program, My MS Health, uses surveys to capture your point of view about how your multiple sclerosis (MS) affects your daily life."

It appears this study is being sponsored by Biogen Idec Inc. and Elan Pharmaceuticals. I'm just curious out there who is going to participate in this? I can post more about it if anyone is curious...

oh and by the way you can check out the website here https://www.mymshealth.org/

Oh my gravy

So I have this nasty little swearing habit I picked up after I was done with student teaching last fall. All spring semester I was swearing like a sailor but I think it was because I withheld so many nasty words for three months that when I was done they just kinda exploded out of me. In May/June my grandmother spent 3 weeks with us and I had to give up swearing because well I didn't feel like being smacked or lectured every time I said a not so pretty word. Now that my grandmother is back I am trying very hard not to use any unpleasant terminology. My new favorite catchphrase is oh my gravy which is conveniently abbreviated into OMG, so now she won't flinch when I used the God word out-loud.

Oh and last night I had a date. Here's the highlights lowlights

- He smelled like my dad...like his soap or something but never do I ever want to feel like I'm on a date with my dad
- Have you ever been on a date who is the loudest one in the room? It's embarrassing,at least for me because well I'm quiet and I would do just about anything to not be the center of attention, especially when you're at the movies and your date is the only one laughing and commenting very loudly back at the screen like the cast can hear him.
- He wanted to sit in the seat at the theater that is like a double seat with no arm rest in the middle...I hate the thought of P.D.A, a.k.a public displays of affection. I may have lied a little and said I could not see the screen from that seat because the thought of having to sit that close with the possibility of p.d.a with someone that smelled like my dad made my stomach turn.

Oh and according to his Facebook status he definitely had a great night with someone special at the movies. At least I'm special :-) Anyways, as much as I can complain and sound like a complete jerk it was a stupid funny movie (Get Him To The Greek) and it was nice to at least be out for the night. There were no sparks flying - at least from my point of view that is - and I can say the next time out we will definitely be classified as "friends."

Now its back to resumes, cover letters and cleaning (I'm the maid today).

It is going to be a long summer...

This was supposed to be a happy post because I totally met Greg Laswell the other night and I was going to talk all about it. The concert was super small, maybe 20 people were there and it was amazing. Something about his voice just gets to me...
Anyways, yesterday my grandfather got out of rehab in the morning. Last night my grandpa went to the ER and now he is back in the hospital. He is on a ventilator and is sedated. He has fluid around his heart and lungs. My grandma is back staying with us. It is going to be a very long summer...a very very long summer.

ugh.

Yesterday I had a job interview that was lined up  through my temp agency. I was asked what hours I was available to work before my resume was even sent in. I replied that I could work anytime between Monday - Friday 7am-11pm. So I went in for my interview, filled out the application and what not. This morning I get a call from the head hiring man who says "You didn't check that you were available to work on weekends or the third shift..."
Me: "I did not, I'm not available to work every weekend and I prefer not to work the night shift." (Realistically I can barely stay awake till 11pm let alone work all night...plus I have no interest in becoming some Ritalin addict)
Hiring man: "Well this position requires you to work weekends and nights."
Me: "Well, unfortunately I cant work them."
Hiring man: "I'll get back to you.."
I totally understand that I don't get first pick of jobs at this point in this economy but at some point I just refuse to do the shit jobs...hours that are between 11pm and 7am in the morning plus every weekend...At this point I just am tired of applications and hearing back nothing...seriously why is it so complicated to send a form letter that just says "we arent going to hire you, we threw away your application and resume as soon as we got it" I'd be happier with that then sending in resume after resume and never hearing a thing.

I haven't posted in a while because if I were you I wouldn't want to read about my life currently. Oh and the good news is that my grandfather is back in NY, in rehab and attempting to escape on a daily basis. I thought that when he got back things would go somewhat back to normal but that was a random assumption I assume because things could not be further from normal.

Job outlook - insanely grim. I can't even seem to get a job through a temp agency. I did get asked if I would be willing to work in a call center and while every bone in my body said NOOOOOOO I said yes because a) I bet it has air conditioning and b) I get paid and c) I get to get out of my house and stop playing the role of full time homemaker. Maybe my application will be selected and maybe I'll make some money.

Oh and the weather. It's insane outside. 96 degrees and humid. I went to the grocery store and wanted to curl up in the freezer section until I stopped feeling so nauseous. The heat makes me a angry person. So angry and nasty to be around I've heard rumblings of my family trying to ship me to Alaska. All they have to do is ask and I'm game...I bet somewhere up there its not 96 degrees at 9 in the morning.

Last week was my brothers birthday. My aunt and uncle surprised us with a visit and when I saw them ring the door bell I am not going to lie, I felt nothing less than sick to my stomach. You see my aunt and uncle are in the late 60's and they have very different ideals and thoughts that I do. My uncle thinks that a woman only needs her education because she needs a backup when her husband leaves her. (Oddly if you've seen the movie An Education he is exactly like the father in that movie.) They have the attitude that the men of the family should be put on some sort of pedestal because they are the heavy lifters, the do-it-all types while the woman stand in the background in aprons cooking food and doing chores. I wish I could say that was a joke...but it is so incredibly true. Well somehow after cake the conversation and spot light turned to me. My aunt asked "Stephanie, I know you can't work because of your illness so I was wondering what your plans were since you graduation." At that moment I was speechless and days later I still am. I have no comments about that...I guess it is what it is.

I am thankful that my friends and my parents and brother understand me and what I have been through and what I deal with on a daily basis. I wish that my other relatives could grasp some sort of understanding to my life and that they learn that I am fully capable of doing whatever it is I put my mind to.

My mom and I are going on a night out to Albany on Thursday to Cary Brothers and my personal favorite Greg Laswell perform. My mom bought me tickets for all the work I've been doing keeping the house and family running behind the scenes so that was a nice surprise. Well I suppose thats it...I'll be around reading through blogs now :)

Its hot out. Very hot. Yesterday I cut these stupid bushes that we have in front of our house. Five in total, they were growing out of control. Between the five of them two are supposed to be rectanglish in shape, one a circle and two more ovalish. I am still shocked at how I managed to keep all my fingers and limbs because the electric cutter thing I used was far less than friendly. In just over two hours I managed to turn these out of control bushes into works of art. OK, so maybe they aren't completely even, or remotely perfect, but they do look way better than when they start. Plus, I did manage to soak up some sun (yay for vitamin d!) and work on my barely there tan.

Today I had the bright idea to make quesadilla burgers. Super yummy. Anyways I made my list for the store, grabbed my purse, got all my shopping done, unloaded my cart at the checkout and opened up my wallet to grab my handy dandy wegmans card and my credit card and what do you know...no credit card...thats when the flashback to my credit card in my jacket pocket, sitting on a hanger at home started. Now you see, I own a shirt that says "I carry no cash" and that shirt could not be any closer to the truth because I never have cash unless I plan on going somewhere where I need it. So I scanned my groceries adding a quick 20ish dollar total and then checked my wallet to find a whooping 6 dollars and change. Sure I could have flirted with the not so happy cashier man and try to wink my way to a 6 dollar bill but that wouldn't have gotten me very far so instead I quickly packed up my groceries back in my cart and put in a mayday call to my brother who luckily answered his phone and came to save me with his wallet.

Now its back to work...my mission today is to reorganize out linen closet that strangely enough has very few linens in it.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

This weekend was crazy so luckily its been a pretty quiet day today to just relax. Friday I had my Tysabri infusion. All went well and I just have one mighty pretty bruise to show for it. I was able to see my old roommates and friends from college Friday night and Saturday and it was definitely a blast. It's only been a month since I have last seen them but it felt like forever. Saturday night Steph and I went to the Rochester City Roller Derby and it was a absolute blast. Of course now all I want to do is join a roller derby team...guess I better invest in a pair of skates.

Steph came back to Syracuse with me Sunday morning and just left a few hours ago. She has yet to spend a night here so I showed her the local sights and hit up a diner last night for dinner with my brother. 

My parents are in Boston. On Friday my grandfather was transported to Boston, MA to a hospital that is connected with Harvard University. There was a whole lot of talk of where he was going to be sent to...New York City, Ohio, Mass or Maryland...so I liked to think in a way it was like that old game, "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" because you never knew where she would end up and that seemed pretty similar to my grandfathers scenario. He will be undergoing a procedure to hopefully stop the leaking lymph duct thing. I say thing because I am rather convinced that even the doctors are a bit confused to what actually is leaking. While my parents I are in Boston, I am of course in charge of everything. My brother, who is 19, still needs someone to every once in a while say to him "do you really think that is a good idea?" and of course he needs someone to make sure he eats more than pizza for every meal. Its just weird that my parents have no idea when they will be back in town...hopefully everything goes smoothly so they will be able to be back by the weekend because I can't guarantee that me and my brother will be able to get along for that long without a referee. 

Well, I have laundry to complete, groceries to buy, plants to water and of course dinner to make. This whole being a actual adult isn't as fun as I thought it was going to be...somehow school seemed to be a bit more fun. :-)

If you were a ice cream, what flavor would you be and why?

This morning I had a job interview. I was asked that question and I responded with "chocolate and vanilla twist, because the vanilla side nicely balances out the more outgoing chocolate side." I was then told by the interviewer that I was one of the few that actually understood the question, most people just told her their favorite flavor.

So fingers crossed. Until then it's back to job hunting.

I suppose a update is in need...

Well, last time I posted I believe it was all about graduation. Well, sadly those days are over and the real world has poked its ugly little head into a insanely hot introduction to summer. So since graduation I painted my room because my dad was kind enough to put about 50 screws through one of my walls during his bathroom renovation. So here is the before picture and the completed after pictures...              



<---- Before....such lovely patches :)








                                          

Fixed green wall...ooh and my autographed Andrew McMahon (from one of my favorite bands Something Corporate + Jacks Mannequin).

My new improved college grad room...I even found my pretty sweet duvet cover from Ikea that I have been dying to use!






On May 21st my grandfather had a quadrupole bypass. He was supposed to be discharged in about a week after the surgery unfortunately he had a complication and is still in the hospital. He somehow has a leak that is draining a rather large amount of fluid from his chest tube. So until it stops draining, or the doctor figures out where the leak is he will be stuck there. In the mean time my grandmother has been staying with us and my dad and I have been driving her to the hospital. Along with finding a job my to-do list has skyrocketed out of control. I am the full time chef in the house, the chauffeur to and from the hospital twice a day, the gardener, the house cleaner and then everything in-between. I haven't even had time to get my motorcycle inspected yet and of course it expired the 31st.

This is actually the first bit of downtime that I have had and instead of blogging I should prob. be sending in more resumes but its a bit frustrating to apply to all these jobs and hear nothing.

So in MS news I am doing ok...the heat and humidity is certainly killer which has made me a bit difficult to be around. It has become pretty obvious when I over do it in the gym because I feel like complete and utter crap for the rest of the day.

Did I ever mention...

That I graduated? Oh yeah, I know you all had your calendars marked...for Mother's Day that is. Yup, graduation on Mother's Day. I am too tired for the whole typing thing so we will relive the day in pictures and captions...

 Surprising we were able to find each in the mob of people after graduation...if you notice we are all looking different directions, our families were all taking our picture at the same time :)










My tassel has gone M.I.A in this shot...I swear I did actually graduate.












My grandparents came to watch me graduate! My grandpa gave me super cute yellow roses, it was so cute.











Me and my parents...The first thing I said to my mom when I saw her was "hey, isn't that my shirt!"












My brother looks so happy to see me...poor guy had to sit through th 2 1/2 hour ceremony and everything...











Ok, so this picture isn't from graduation but when I first moved in my dad and I stood in front of the clock-tower and my mom snapped a picture before they left me for good. It only seemed wise to get a picture in the same spot four years later.






The only problem was that when the above one was taken it was like 85 degrees...the one on graduation day was taken with a 35 degree temperature and with a good 30-40 mile per hour winds. Needless to say I had to convince my dad to take off his jacket and we I danced around trying to keep warm as my brother tried to figure out the camera. Then of course we had to wait for the perfect moment to snap a picture without a huge gust of wind threatening to blow up my skirt (oh yeah believe me...that happened a few times that weekend)...


I've been home for a week and I am still unpacking. Luckily I get to head back to Rochester in the morning for some errands and to pick of my diploma. Then its off to the MS clinic for my monthly dose of Tysabri. Hopefully Steph and I will hit up the Lilac Festival Saturday before heading out to Jess's grad party Saturday night.

Graduation

Tomorrow I am graduating from college. It is surreal. I spent the day with my parents mingling with professors, talking about my future and then tonight at a candle light ceremony we reflected back on our last four years at school. It was one of those days where you are so excited, yet you feel the tears welling up behind your eyes. Even thinking about it now I am holding back tears...so before I go all out with the water works I will leave you with the lyrics from one of the songs on the graduation mix tape that one of the Hannah's gave out to my roommates and I.

So denied so I lied are you the now or never kind
In a day and a day love I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon


~ Eve 6 - Here's to the Night ~

Senior Week!

Senior week is still going strong around campus. Basically during senior week almost all the seniors are trashed. I even had a discussion with one of my roommates about how they have yet to destroy their livers yet...we still cant figure it out...I think I have only talked to our neighbors once when they were sober and they were over asking for a corkscrew, so we know their soberness didn't last long.





<----- Picture from the Senior Banquet tonight







The picture is from the after party at one of our friends room...our night started with the guy who invited us over making a weird diluted kool-aid concoction which turned out to have way more alcohol in it than any of use realised...maybe that's why I look so happy in the picture.

Tomorrow we are pretty busy with the senior brunch with a special surprise, then graduation rehearsal, a senior send-off (not sure what that actually means, but there is food and our fridge is looking sketchy), oh and lastly there will also be senior bar night downtown. I never saw pictures from last nights bar night but it was pretty fun, kinda chill and quiet which was a nice change up. The place last night had a capacity limit of 90 1/2 (I'm curious who would make up the 1/2 of person though) and we totally were pouring out of that bar...

Well its 1:50am, so I suppose I am off to bed...

MS Walk 2010!

Yesterday was the MS Walk, it was a blast! We walked for a bit...the options for walks were a 1'ish mile walk, a 2.3 mile walk and a 6.6 mile walk...we took a short cut over a bridge and through a church parking lot and through some grass but we made it back to the over side of the river. Luckily I sucked up the pain in my knee to walk because honestly there was no way I was not walking. Sure, I was a bit slow, but I did it and couldn't be happier. Luckily us soon to be college grads are smart enough to read a map to figure out our own short cut route...Anyways, here are some pictures of the highlights from the day, enjoy!

 

<---We posed as a train...yup, you guessed it, it was super early and we were in a very strange mood :)

 

                                                    


  SNOOPY! ---> 

 (I get the feeling Snoopy and his friend who took the picture were trying to get us to buy insurance...but we pretended he was just there for pictures)

<----Apparently I didn't want to smile 

      

                           We survived!  -->

<----- Post walk snack time...Jess apparently was really enjoying her snack :)

So all in all we raised a whopping $1,259! 

Tomorrow I am off to my house bright and early at 8am because my knee looks and feels horrible. 

It feels so weird...

Yesterday at approx. 5:32 PM I finished my undergraduate college career. Yup, I am all done. Now I just have to wait until Mother's Day to pick up my diploma.

Next week it is Senior Week...so that should be interesting...

MS walk is on Sunday, the forecast is calling for rain and thunderstorms...soooooo fingers crossed that it turns out alright. I don't know how much walking I'll be doing but we will see.

The dangers of walking

Walking is a dangerous activity. I was walking with one of the Hannahs up to the bookstore and before I knew what happened I was on the ground, face down of course, with books everywhere. I am glad I had sweatpants on because I am sure taking the fall in a pair of jeans on the pavement would have cause some serious rip-age in the knee area. The blood alone was rather impressive, apparently I am a pretty good bleeder.

So I am guessing I also managed to roll my ankle because it hurts like a (insert expletives). So if murdering my knee and ankle wasn't bad enough, I even managed to fall on my wrist so that can be added to the list of injuries.

Luckily for me, MS walk is Sunday! 4 days to be magically healed.

First concert of the year...finally!

My mom bought my roommates and I all tickets to see Matt Nathanson (yes, my absolute favorite musician EVER)! So Friday night we all headed down the road to my brothers college, which is like seriously a mile away. We waited outside in line for a while for the doors to open because lets face it, I was too excited for the show to wait around in my apartment!

The concert was amazing! My roommates have only heard me talk and gush about Matt and of course I had put his music on all their computers, but it was the first time they had ever seen him live. Matt is amazing live...simply amazing. The last time I saw him I was blessed with "chipmunk cheeks" or as my doctor calls it my "moon face."

Apparently air conditioning at my brothers school was a side-note...it had to be around 85 degrees in there. We were packed in like sardines, but I would not have it any other way. During the open act, a girl in the crowd fainted....yup, it was that hot. Anyways he played some songs that he doesn't usually play live like Bulletproof Weeks...I was dying to hear this song live. Its amazing...and during the song the audience was so freaken quiet. Matt posted a message on Twitter after the show that said "thank u rochester & st. john fisher 4 a great nite & the pin drop quiet during 'bulletproof weeks.' holiest of craps u're good to me! gnite." Of course Hannah and I had a girl behind us who decided that for every song she was going to be Matt's backup singer...Now, I am by no means a singer nor do I have any musical talent, but it may be safe to say that I have more that she does...she was bad. At one point one of her friends asked what song it was and she said "Heartbreak World"...Hannah and I simultaneous corrected her...

Even with the off key, wanna-be back up singer, I couldn't have asked for more of a amazing night.

Steph and I went to Michaels Craft Store Sunday afternoon to buy t-shirt constructing supplies and stuff. Anyways after picking out everything we wanted we proceeded to go to the checkout. I put all my stuff up on the counter and the cashier asked for my zip code. I immediately blurted out 315 and then stopped and started to dig through my bag to grab my wallet. The cashier just stared at me and I awkwardly stared back at her and realized that my area code is definitely not my zip code. So instead of admitting that I might have given her the wrong number I proceeded to blurt out 12. The cashier looked rather confused and typed it in...I could barely hold my composure long enough to make it out of the store. By the time Steph and I made it out of the store we were both dying...I think it had something to do with the lack of sleep from the night before though...

In case anyone was wondering my factious zip code is from Ambrose, GA. The population of Ambrose, GA in 2000 according to the census was 320 people. Heck, thats smaller than the population at my school....I'm glad I've had a chance to get out of GA for a while :)

job hunting

I mentioned that job hunting sucked didn't I? Central New Yorks jobs available kinda blow...I would love to get a job at Microsoft or Google and I was looking at the positions available but then my mom of course chimed in with the reality that if I leave NY I am no longer covered by my parents insurance.

It's safe to say I am jealous of my friends and cousins who just get to pick up their stuff and pick a new city...

Tysabri #...I don't even know

So Tysabri...everything went well...I have a cute little bruise and everything.

However, my vitamin D level is 18 (norm is like 30-80 according to my infusion nurse), and that was in December. Apparently the office "forgot" to call me. Luckily my infusion nurse noticed and she assumes it is probably lower now being 4 month later...I bet this has something to do with my feeling blah.

I had to crawl through my trunk, luckily I have a SUV to leave the parking lot. The two cars on either side of me didn't think enough to leave room to walk between let alone open a door. Security saw me and helped close my trunk once I was in and helped guide me out of my spot. Ugh.

Job Hunting

I am used to the whole searching for a summer job thing and well that sucked. Now I am looking for a big girl job...oh and guess what...that sucks too.

Formal!

Last night was formal...the theme was Black Tie Affair and here are a few photos!

Jess and I...she was my date due to the whole lack of guys at our school

Hannah and I

Hannah, Jess, Hannah and I

Guess I have to repaint...

My parents are in the process of redoing the bathroom which is on the other side of this wall. Apparently while replacing the bathtub this damage took place...My mom sent me the picture and I thought I was going to cry. Those walls took days...ugh. I'm glad they find humor in the situation cause I certainly don't yet.

Art history paper...

Denied again. 3 denials. I freaken give up. Looks like I have to have a talk after class with my professor. ugh. I love that its being denied because I am trying to draw connections between past and present consumerism behaviors and exposing the negative side of Americans obsession with consumerism. God forbid I make a art research paper the least bit interesting.

Last night I could sleep. My body was craving sleep but my head had other plans. My brain decided to run through check-list after check-list of things I still have to do.

- Get my art history topic OK'd...which by the way is seeming to be a bit impossible...after two rejections I have threatened to just quit school after I professed my pure frustration to one of my roommates.

- Resume. It's not done, nor do I know what the heck I want to do with my life...isn't that the point of college, to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life? I made a appointment with career services for Friday...they are resume experts...if they can't fix my resume no one can.

- Teaching Certification Application. Basically pay 50 dollars to get a piece of paper that I have no intentions of ever using. Maybe I will cut it up and use it to decoupage.

- Find a job. This can't happen without completing my resume. I was able to convince myself last night that I was never going to find a job. I couldn't find a summer job last year, so how do I expect to find a actual job this year? It's funny how persuasive your mind can be at night...I was throughly convinced that I am never going to have a job.

- Figure out health care. May 10th...doom day, my health care coverage is over. Which this part makes me laugh because lets face it, its stressful, and out of all my friends I am the only one who is like "omg! I need insurance."

With those four topics swirling around in my spotted brain sleep was impossible. I am ready to just check out for the time being...press pause and step aside from it all.

I'm curious about one thing though...I've heard of mail order brides but are there mail order husbands that come with amazing insurance coverage? It's just an idea...

- Actually I just googled it...people actually do things like that...heck I need to join that club. Apparently this woman, Terri Carlson, is kinda serious about it.

I am also curious about having MS and then trying to get health insurance when I get a job...how does that work, does it count as a preexisting condition? Am I going to have trouble getting insurance?

That is enough thinking for now I suppose.

Art Paper vs Blog...

<-- My dad's birthday!

If you are curious, my blog won the battle today.

Once again it is absolutely gorgeous outside. I just met a friend to buy our tickets for the Jr/Senior formal this weekend...she and I are going as dates because you get a discount if you have a date. Plus, lets face it, the school I am at has like no straight guys.

What else, what else...Easter was lovely yesterday...I ate alot and brought back a ton of leftovers. Other than that I am just avoiding my art paper currently.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful afternoon.

April 2nd

Today was my dads birthday.

Today I baked a cake.

Today was over 80 degrees and sunny.

Today was the first motorcycle ride of the season with my dad.

Today was a good day.

ugh crap.

I have a problem. Every time a alarm goes off in my room I turn it off. I do not press snooze, no instead my half asleep mind knows that turning it off is the best idea. This morning vaguely remember turning off my cell phone alarm, which is conversantly placed under my pillow, when it went off at 8:30. I also vaguely remember reaching over out of bed to my windowsill to turn off my alarm 15 minutes before it was set to go off. This alarm is one of the ones that has the vibrating disk that shakes your pillow and has a ear piercing noise that goes off as well. Let's face it I turn that one off in advance because it jolts me out of bed and I am convinced I will have a heart attack from it.

Anyways, I guess it is time to start setting off a alarm on the other side of my room because sleeping in till 10:04 means no gym and it means that I am utterly exhausted from oversleeping so I have to take Ritalin to actually muster up the energy to function.

Throw Back...Semi Formal

The school district that I went to split up their schools a bit differently than most schools I know, school was split up like this:

Elementary School -K-4

Middle School - 5-7

Junior High - 8-9

High School - 10-12

In 9th grade we had a giant semi formal event. It was like prom for 9th graders. I got this amazing dress, it was this turquoise bright blue and it was a mermaid fit with a halter style top. I was like in love with that dress. My mom and I had searched all over to find a dress that I was in love with and when we finally found it I was just so excited.

My mom took a ton of pictures and I just remember having an amazing time.

When my mom went to develop her pictures she realized that she had never put film in the camera...I think I have one picture somewhere with me in that dress that hopefully I can find somewhere when I am home for Easter.

Anyways, why I am I telling you all this...well I heard about this program called Becca's Closet where you can donate you prom dresses and they have events where girls who can't afford prom dresses can go and pick out a dress for free. We all had prom dresses where you just know you are never going to have a fancy enough event to wear it again to so this is your solution to doing something good with a dress that would otherwise just sit in your closet. I will say I will prob. never give up my senior prom dress, heck I am wearing it to formal in two weeks...

So sure, I can probably squeeze into that dress again from 9th grade, but realistically I'm never going to wear it again, and if it means that someone can wear it and have a amazing time and make some memories, then I have no problem giving it up.

Now I am off to art history to debate whether or not art should be displayed by time/location or by aesthetic value. I'm arguing for asthetic value...should be uh fun.

Random Thoughts...and oh, I am famous.

I will say it time and time again, eyebrows and MS do not mix well, especially when tweezers are factored into the situation....damn you fine motor skills.

Sometimes when I get out of the shower I let my hair air dry. When its almost dry I usually pass by a mirror and look at my wavy crazy hair and don't recognize myself. Its kinda amusing.

I am insanely productive when I take Ritalin. 5 chapters of my entrepreneurship book and 6 pages of single spaced summaries kind of productive as compared to the 0 chapters and 0 pages of single spaced summaries completed without Ritalin.

Sometimes I forgot that when I was born I was born with a cleft palate, until someone asks me about it. Tonight was a annual Smile dinner whose proceeds go to help fixing children with cleft pallets and such.

I am in love with the movie Elizabeth Town. Yup. I am.

Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking when I trip over my own feet or misjudge distances when I go to pick something up...not going to lie sometimes I am convinced people will think I am a bit intoxicated...

I am famous. Today I was reading through the latest MS walk event email entitled Final Push Friday and as I scrolled down this is what I read (scroll a bit down and read about your participant center)...yup, my walk page is famous. Insanity...when I saw it I was like oh. my. gosh. but then one of the Hannah's convinced me it was a good thing. I am not a "in the spotlight" kinda person, I am the complete opposite. However, my mom was proud, so I guess I can deal with it this time. It would have been nice to win a prize though...I like prizes :)

Your Participant Center

Changing your Personal Page in Your Participant Center can make a huge difference in your fundraising potential! Walkers that customize their page are raising an average of $450 each, versus participants that do not change their pages, who are raising an average of $147 each. That’s a $300+ difference! Check out how to navigate your Participant Center here. Also, here are a few great examples of walkers taking advantage of their personal pages!

Saratoga Walk MS: Team Tino - Maryanne Foley
Albany Walk MS: Rockin’ Rollz
Rochester Walk MS: Steph’s Chicas - Stephanie Tashjian
Buffalo Walk MS: Team Bruno
Syracuse Walk MS: Our Gang

I need ideas.

MS walk is coming up and I need ideas for team t-shirts. Maybe I am a bit obsessive compulsive about it but I want us all to match...including socks, shorts, shirts and accessories. So my blog readers, I am asking if you all have any ideas for cheap t-shirts that still look amazing and coordinated? Of course they have to have our team name of "Steph's Chicas" on them too!

edit: P.S: Did you know you can add "pages" to your blog?!? Cause I certainly didn't, but now I do and well its the best thing ever...but they are a work in progress so for now they are empty. I always wondered how people did that...

ugh.

I graduate on Mothers Day. The day after Mothers Day I will loose my health insurance. (Insert expletives) One of my roommates has a job interview on Tuesday for a intern long term sub job, she has a job throughout the summer lined up in Rochester, she is all set for grad school in the fall and is signing the lease on her two bedroom apartment Saturday which starts May 1st.

Jealously and pure frustration are what I am feeling. She keeps asking me to live with her, but realistically lets add up the monthly costs: Rent: 400 + Health Insurance under my dads policy at a Cobra rate 375ish + Insurance on a car that can die at any moment 100 + Food 100ish + Copays 15-30 + Gas 50-75 (I own a gas guzzler) = $1040 a month and that doesn't include the loans that will be due starting 6 months from when I graduate.

Writing it out kind of makes me sick to my stomach...job searching is torture...and I have no freaken clue what I am doing or looking for. I've threatened to join the military but I have been informed that they would really want someone with 3 knee surgery's and MS...

So for now I will take Pete Yorns' advice and convince myself that everything is alright...

And when you said I could not stay with you

That's not the way you would have wanted to be

Convince yourself that everything is alright

'Cos it already is

- For Nancy - Pete Yorn -

This is me not freaking out.

When you go to get your Tysabri infusions, you are asked three questions before they start. If you answer yes to any of them you then speak to a neurologist. If I remember correctly they ask you if you have had any changes in your thinking, eyesight or balance.

Well, I have had freaking splitting headache(I guess I can never say I have had migraine but I guess the whole light sensitivity, sick to my stomach, splitting headache can classify as one) all day and obviously it prob. has something to do with the fact that my thinking is way off - ha just look at my class work for my technology class from tonight, it is rather amusing how much my answers just don't make any sense. My balance, well lets just say that I am very thankful that I have yet to fall over today - I was pretty darn close about 10 times today. I was about 2 seconds away from falling when trying to put on my shoes...luckily I remembered to sit down first. My coordination is acting up too - today I managed to drop -- cottage cheese, my yogurt (which went SPLAT all over my clothes), a hairdryer, a eight pound weight, my folder full of nicely organized papers, a pen (which is no biggie) and oh my toothbrush(right onto the floor!).

So I guess I will sleep it off for tonight and hope that I wake up feeling wonderful tomorrow.

Monday mornings...Tysabri numero 16

I had a really nice weekend. Of course it started with some Tysabri on Friday and a bit of blood work afterwards. My friend Jess tagged along so it was nice to have some company during the two hours of boredom.

On Saturday I went with Steph's family on a wine tour around Cayuga Lake (one of the NYS Fingerlakes). It was alot of fun even though I don't even really drink wine. We hit up 6 different winerys : Sweedish Hill Winery, Lakeshore Winery, The Thirst Owl Wine Company, Cayuga Ridge Winery Estate , Lucas Vineyards and Americana Vineyard and Winery. It was a reallly fun and its safe to say I've had my fill of wine for a long while.

Sunday we were busy helping out at a baby shower...I stayed to help set up and such and watched the SU basketball game at the bar of the restaurant. All in all it was a really nice weekend.

The only bad part is that the eating kinda poorly and lack of sleep has caught up with me and has left me feeling pretty darn crappy. I worked out at the gym this morning and was just exhausted. I bought alot of healthy food at the grocery store to fill my body up with some really good food and hopefully that will help.

Its also amazing how much I missed in a few days away from my computer and blogging world. So for now its back to catching up on some missed blogs.

I think it may be spring!

Just kidding...I guess CNY is supposed to get a snow storm next week. This week has been filled with 50-60 degree weather and its going to be hard to go back to jackets and sweaters.

Today was a busy day. I got my cavity filled. Of course today at the dentist the sucker up machine (aka Mr. Thirsty) was broken. So I got to rinse and spit every five seconds...fun stuff.

There was a special request from my mom to make a dinner before I went back to school so today I made twice baked cheesy potatoes and kabobs with chicken (in my own top secret marinade) and yellow/orange/red peppers, mushrooms and zucchini. I also made peanut butter chocolate swirl cookies to bring to Stephs tomorrow. I have Tysabri at 1 (time really flies - cant believe its been a month) and then I am off to stay with Steph till the dorms open back up.

I am going on a wine tour with her family on Saturday...should be interesting seeing as I don't drink wine. Anyhoo my friend Jess is going to meet me at the hospital and tag along during the Tysabri infusion. Jess is a nursing major and needs some hours for clinical and such and I think she found a way to count this so that should be pretty interesting.

I guess thats all I have to say for now...it sure is nice to have a un-hijacked blog again though.