Friday, November 2

I Accidentally Saw A Post About You On Facebook.

So I accidentally saw a post about you on Facebook. You'll never see this so I figure it's rather safe to post it, plus if you did happen to stumble upon it I'm sure you wouldn't even realize it was about you.
We used to be really close friends but when I was was in the hospital during my second hospitalization for a flare you and your parents spoke unforgivable and extremely hurtful words.

At the time I had only known of the things you said to me in that email, your words so sharp and twisted. I remember the pain those words caused as I sat in a hospital bed unable to talk, unable to walk, and unable to take care of myself. I've blocked alot out from those weeks I spent in the hospital but I've never been unable to block out the things you said to me.

My parents told me months later about the time they ran into your parents at the local Wegmans one night when they had just come back from a long day at the hospital with me. They used to drive the 90+ minute drive every day for weeks and would have a routine stop at the store to pick up whatever food they thought they might be able to get me to eat once I was able to start swallowing any kind of pureed food into my system. Your parents stood in the grocery store and repeatedly told my parents that I was making it seem worse that it was, that I was lying about having MS and that they were just enabling me. I'm sorry but the countless MRI's of lesions on my brain do not lie.

It's years later now and still whenever I see you in the grocery store or at the mall I turn the other direction. Earlier this year I was at the gym changing my shoes for a workout and two feet stood next to me. When I got up I saw it was you and the hurt came rushing back. You acted like we were old friends and wanted to chat and meet up for lunch. I had so many things I wanted to say to you, the things I never got a chance to say, the things I've thought about saying for years. Instead I stood there in awe at how you acted like nothing had changed. Like it was still high school and we were the best of friends.

It's funny though because just how I've never forgotten those words you wrote to me in a email my parents will never forgot the words yours spoke to mine. I remember my mom and I went to the movies last spring and your dad was right in front of us in line. The line weaved though the outside of the theater and the wait was ridiculous, it was a Saturday night. I tried not to notice him but I know my mom did. Her and I continued to chat about random things until your dad turned around. He started to ask about me and I gave out the simplest of response hoping to end the chat as soon as possible. He started to talk about you like I was so interested in what you were doing. We heard you were working for a successful accounting firm downtown and living on your own. It was all information I could have cared less to know, yet he continued. Finally we made it to the window and bought tickets. He bought two tickets for the same show. My mom and I made our way into the packed theater and grabbed two seats, he and your mom sat right next to you. Me and your dad shared a armrest. I've never felt so anxious in a theater before.

It's amazing after all these years I can't ever imagine having a normal conversation with you. Sure people fight and end friendships everyday, but we never fought. I never responded to your email, your words said enough and for me to try and convince you otherwise would have been pointless. You wrote those words because you clearly believed in them. Your parents spoke those words because they clearly believed they were true. There was no convincing either party that they were wrong.

I guess I would have thought after being such good friends for over 10 years you would have at least visited me in the hospital and seen for yourself before writing the email. I like to say that I don't hate anyone, because hate is such a strong word and feeling to have. What I can say is that I find what you said to be unforgivable. Still to this day, almost four years later I still feel the same way. You can't take back those words you said and maybe you've forgotten what you wrote, but I haven't. My parents haven't forgotten what yours said either. My dad who will make friendly "small talk" with anyone, even with people he doesn't necessarily like, will avoid your parents like the plague, even after all these years, and we've never seen him do that to anyone before.

So yeah, I saw the post about you yesterday. Your engaged to a guy almost ten years our senior. I've blocked you from my news feed on Facebook years ago but somehow this slipped through the cracks. It's funny how a simple post can flood back memories. I suppose if you hadn't said those things we would still be friends, and I'd probably be your maid of honor and we'd be knee deep in wedding plans. It's funny how one email can change everything.

In spite of everything I still wish you the very best.


  1. Steph, I very much understand how you are feeling. I left FB without telling a soul. TWICE and I'm never going back. I don't miss it at all and oddly enough, only a couple of people inquired as to where I was. So much for being "missed".

    I think FB is all about "me, myself and I" for some people. Once I realized that, I left.

    All I see now are peeps promoting their political views, bashing others for their views, yadda-yadda, ad nauseum.

    Who needs friends like that when they'd make great enemies LMAO! =)

    1. I totally agree with you! I really should just delete the account...all my real friends know where to find me outside of FB anyways :)

  2. Thanks for being so raw in this, I can't even imagine those feelings. I thought have friends like that, that have for some reason of my health left me in the cold. but I have myself to blame while you did not. I hope you realize that there are people out there that are worth your time and care for you more than this person ever will.

    1. I truly appreciate the comment Alex. True friends will stick by you during the good times and the bad but it's definitely taken me a while to really understand that.

  3. This is so honest! It must be so therapeutic to write this. Maybe I'll do something like that in a journal or on my blog, wherever. I've definitely had a couple of similar experiences. I hope that writing this made you feel better though, because you really put yourself out there. Sometimes you just need to say what's on your mind even if you can't say it to the person him/herself.

    1. It's amazing how great I felt after writing this epecially since most of it's stuff I have been thinking about for years. I'd definitely recommend trying this out!


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