Monday, December 28
Wednesday, December 23
Sunday, December 20
Tuesday, December 15
Tuesday, December 8
Friday, November 27
Thursday, November 26
Sunday, November 15
Thursday, November 12
Glad you're feeling better. Keep on writing!"
Wednesday, November 11
Monday, November 9
Sunday, November 8
Friday, November 6
Thursday, November 5
Monday, November 2
Saturday, October 31
Thursday, October 29
Tuesday, October 27
Monday, October 26
Thursday, October 22
The Ritalin is working. Actually I function so much better on it. I am focused, and can stay on task and when I talk things come out better. I don't mix up words in every sentence...its kinda cool. The best part is that I can actually see the change. I talked to my dad last night and he noticed the change that every other word wasn't jumbled up. Of course I am wired though, like more energy than I used to and its like I feel like I did before I got sick...I used to always have this much energy, and was always focused and on task, so I am really excited.
Plus it made my week to hear that my MRI scans were better than expected.
The real reason that I am writing is because I received an email today from my colleges health services, it was only addressed to me and the assistant director of student activities:
--------- College Student Health Services has received a limited supply of H1N1 vaccine.You are receiving this email because the CDC has recommended that certain individuals receive the 2009 vaccine when it first is available.If you are interested in receiving this free vaccine, please come to Student Health Services Tuesday October 27th 9 am-12 noon or Friday October 30th 2 pm-4 pm. No appointment is needed.You will be required to remain in health services for 15 minutes after you receive the vaccine, so please plan accordingly.If you have any questions about whether to receive this vaccine, please contact your primary care provider.Please go to the following website and review the Vaccine Information Sheet (VIS) before you come to receive your vaccine. http://www.immunize.org/vis/2flu.pdf.
Thank you (then her info followed so obviously I left that part out)
Well, health services is aware of my MS, and they were not pleased with me last semester when I did not register with the students with disabilities office...soo I am sure they will be please when I do not get the flu shot...but in all honesty why should I get it? I prob should have ran it by the NP at the MS clinic when I was there, but hey I forgot...
My college is trying to REQUIRE all student teachers to get them...I know there are nurses in NYS who are refusing to get the vaccine and have already taken it to the state level and so far the court has not ruled either way, but the idea that its a requirement makes me even more irritated.
So I would love to hear any ones thoughts out there about getting the vaccine? The good, bad and the ugly, answers are always appreciated :)
Monday, October 19
Sunday, October 18
That is right, it’s my anniversary, my anniversary with MS that is. About this time one year ago my symptoms started took right off, by the next day I was unofficially diagnosed with MS in the ER and the officially diagnosed two days later in my hospital room. I remember thinking to myself that my life would never be the same. It is not like MS would simply go away, there is no magic pill, and there is no chance to go back to life without it.
It would be impossible for me to say that I am one hundred percent happy with how things are now, but like I have said so many times, I can still remember what it was like not to think about MS. At some point though you just have to suck it up and accept the fact that things have changed and they will forever remain changed. No matter how hard I try, I will always wake up with MS.
There have been many noticeable differences in the past year for me. Some of those differences have come and gone, some have remained and some have just started appearing. I am very grateful that the ones that have gone are gone; I will never take for granted the ability to speak, to smile, to laugh. I am grateful that the crippling spasms that I had for a month and a half have subsided. I am grateful that I was able to go back to school and push forward and recover to a functioning level.
As always with the positives always comes the negative. The extreme fatigue that I have been dealing with in the more recent weeks, the difficulty regulating my body temperature (steaming, hot, showers- oh how I miss thee), the constant speech mix ups, the problems controlling movements, these are just some of the things I hate and will always hate about this disease.
The funny thing about all that I have been through is in the end it’s made me insanely strong and determined. I refuse to sit on the sidelines, no matter how tired I am and how gross I feel, I always choose to step up to the plate and challenge myself. I don’t want people’s sympathy and it’s hard when people apologize to me for this disease – like they are the ones who gave it to me. When I told my co-operating teacher all about what was going on because I felt it was important to explain the things that could possible affect me, she kept apologizing. Trust me, if there was a person who was waving some magic wand giving people this disease I would be first in line to deck them, but there isn’t so apologies won’t help.
People’s apologies are not what make me stronger. My co-operating teacher kept commenting on how strong I must be and all I could say to her was that you have to be strong. Sure, I have and will always have days where getting out of bed seems pointless, but it is on those days that your true strength comes out and you push through everything. Those bad days have made me so much stronger, those bad days have added so much to my character, and those bad days are what push me to succeed. My friends that have stuck by my side this past year push me so much; they have no idea what they really mean to me.
As I wrap up this part of the post I would like to also say thank you to my readers. The fact that I have “followers” is mind blowing to me. The online MS community is amazing and supportive and it’s always great to know you are not alone. Lisa Emrich has done an amazing job gathering all the MS blogs in one place at the Carnival of MS Bloggers . When I started my blog I thought the idea of having people read it was terrifying and I was very tempted to block it from public access. I am so glad that I choose otherwise. The idea of letting my roommates or my friends read this blog is terrifying. To date, I have only sent the link to one of my friends and even that was a hard task to accomplish. Maybe eventually I will be able to give them the link…maybe in a few years...
Once again thank you all so much for reading, commenting and for writing such amazing blogs.
P.S- I had my MRI Friday, I have my appointment tomorrow at 3:30 with my neurologist and his nurse practitioner…I have to remember to write out my questions and concerns because I know I will not remember them by tomorrow afternoon. Oh also, my dinner last Wednesday night with the 20’s and 30’s something MS group went well, dinner was really tasty and the guest speaker was an Aromatherapist. I will say that having a aromatherapist at dinner is not top of my list just because she kept passing around different essential oils all throughout dinner and had us smell them. It kind of killed my appetite, good thing for doggy bags though. I promise to write more about the aromatherapist sometime this week, it was very interesting to say the least.
Wednesday, October 14
Tuesday, October 13
Monday, October 12
Wednesday, October 7
Monday, October 5
Sunday, October 4
Thursday, October 1
Monday, September 28
Sunday, September 27
Saturday, September 26
Thursday, September 24
Wednesday, September 23
Tuesday, September 22
Sunday, September 20
Oswego County native Kurt H. Glasier , 33, of 6869 Kirkville Road, was driving south on state Route 11 in the town of Ellisburg when he veered off the right side of the road and struck a stop sign at the intersection of county Route 122, state police Sgt. Ed Croucher said.
Glasier was ejected from the motorcycle when he hit the sign. He landed in a ditch several feet from his motorcycle, which was pressed up against an embankment when troopers arrived, Croucher said.
State police do not know exactly when the crash happened because no one saw it. They believe it happened after dark and that Glasier died almost immediately, but troopers are still waiting for an autopsy report, Croucher said.
About 11:30 p.m., someone driving by saw the reflection of Glasier 's motorcycle, stopped, saw what had happened and called police, Croucher said.
Trooper Joseph Simpson of the Watertown barracks responded to the scene and investigated.
"It's not a lighted area and there's not a lot of traffic in that area. It appears he missed the curve," said Croucher, who is based in the Fulton barracks and was the supervising officer Sunday night.
State police said it appeared that Glasier was traveling at an unsafe speed, and that this contributed to the crash. There was no indication that Glasier had been drinking alcohol, but a toxicology test will be conducted, Croucher said.
Glasier was pronounced dead at the scene, state police said. Jefferson County Medical Examiner Dr. Samuel Livingstone performed the autopsy at Samaritan Medical Center, troopers said.
The crash happened just north of Sandy Creek in Oswego County, where Glasier grew up, according to a funeral director at Foster-Hax Funeral Home in Pulaski. Sometime after Glasier graduated from Sandy Creek High School in 1987, his parents, Jack and Vicky Glasier , moved to the hamlet of Port Ontario.
Glasier attended the State University College at Potsdam for three years, and later graduated from the State University College of Environmental Science and Forestry at Syracuse University. He was a supervisor at New Process Gear until about a year ago, a family friend said. He was working at Performance Harley-Davidson of Syracuse.
Friday, September 18
Last night my roommates and I attended a Post Secret event. I mention Post Secrets a few weeks ago but the chance came up to go to a Post Secret event at a local university. We all bought tickets and went last night. It was a really nice event, Frank (the creator) shared his insights and the background of the project. We got to meet Frank, got his autograph and a picture with him! It was a fun night. We met up with two of our friends at the event and went for milkshakes and fries at a local diner afterward.
Oddly enough, on the way home I had stopped for gas, and the pump was working funny and printed me a reciept for like .34 ccents in, so I swipped my card agian and filled the tank. When I checked my email I had a urgent email from discover from the fraud team. I called and apparently my tickets for the Post Secrets and my gas purchase looked like fraudulent purchases...strange...
Today I have observations in the classroom that I will kind of take over as a student teacher Oct. 1st so I have a 30min'ish drive to begin in a few minutes...
Thanks to everyones comments from yesterdays post...it gave me the little push I needed to go! Of course I will definitely blog afterward!
Thursday, September 17
"Please plan on Oct 14th for our next meeting. We will be meting at Delmonico's restaurant on E. Henrietta Road. We will have a speaker and dinner provided for us courtesy of Serono. Please let me know if you will be able to attend."
Ok so I read it and thought yum I love Delmonicos...and oooh free dinner...who is Serono? Just a quick google search and I quickly find the website that says "Merck Serono is a market leader in the treatment of Multiple Sclerosis (MS) with Rebif®, approved for the treatment of relapsing-remitting MS in over 80 countries worldwide. In the United States, we market Novantrone® for worsening forms of MS."
Oh, its a drug company, yipee...is it just me or is this not really a appropiate sponser for a support group meething...and the guest speaker, who is that going to be? A drug rep?
My roommate and I are just kinda like having a wow, is seriously for real, moment.
Wednesday, September 16
My brother and I met up with my family at the Cheesecake Factory...cant complain about dinner because any dinner that ends with cheesecake is OK in my book.
I have been swamped in homework and I am trying to stay calm through the stress of it all. Last night it caught up with me. I had gone to bed around midnight, and I tossed and turned, I watched tv trying to fall asleep, I read for about a hour, it made me more awake...I just sat and stared out the window...3:17am is not a good time to be awake, especially when the count down timer in your head is blaring that class starts in 5 hours and 37 minutes...I got up, did some homework, turned on some music to distract me and finally I fell asleep about 30 minutes later.
Woke up this morning to the sound of tennis balls bouncing off racquet's at 7am...I hoped out of bed, wide awake but definitely not fully rested. My legs today just ache, maybe I did some sleep running last night and ran a few miles. Class was difficult to sit through, I just wanted to stand up and move but all I got to do was sit for a good 2 hours and 20 minutes trying not to think about it. I have another class that starts at 4pm and it runs till 6:40 and I am dreading it. There is always that one class where you don't like the classmates, the professors are in your eyes the worst people on earth and you get that feeling, that pit, deep in your stomach that just does not dissappear until you finally get to walk out of class in one piece.
Monday, September 14
This weekend was short, I don't know if 48 hours can be considered short, but it was super short. Friday night was a "drive-in" movie minus the driving part. So in actually it was a "walk-in" movie. There was a big blow up screen in one of the lawns on campus, and at dark we watched The Proposal. We brought our blankets and it was a fun night under the stars.
Saturday was supposed to be a shopping day. Steph and I had plans to head to the mall and just shop. (I need dress up shirts extremely bad. Just as we were heading out the door, Steph received a call from her cousin (she goes to a school in the city about 10 minutes from us). She was living in this house, that she just moved into about 2 weeks ago, but something happened between her and the home owner and her cousin thought it was best that she leave and move back home. Steph and I went to help move, and she had more stuff than Steph and I combined. Steph and I carried boxes for a few hours while her cousin just kind of played with her dog...Since she had so much stuff we had to pack Stephs car as well as her cousins car and then drive to her cousins house which was 50ish minutes away...that was a long day.
Sunday was homework day to the extreme...my homework still isn't all done but I am exhausted and its very clear when I am tired, I get what I am going to call the glitches. This morning during my class I was asked to write something on the board and walking up and back it was obvious that I was glitchy, like my whole right side is a 1/2 step back, my movement does not look smooth at all, but whatever, it's what I have to deal with so I better get used to it.
I have a busy week this week, actually busy doesn't even describe it, its just beyond busy.
Friday, September 11
Thursday, September 10
I have been realizing that while I know what MS is, I don't honestly understand it enough to answer my friends questions enough, or really explain it to myself sometimes.The program topics include: "what happens in the body; understanding symptoms vs. exacerbations vs. pseudo-exacerbations; treatment options; myths and misconceptions; "but you look so good" - the invisible symptoms; and injection management."
When I was first diagnosed I had no idea what MS was, just that I was pretty certain that Montel Williams had it. My doctor told me right away not to go online and search about it and I didn't. I went back to school and avoided it. The few times I went online and searched I was always freaked out at the possible outcomes of this disease. I have witnessed what it has done to my own body, have read about what it has done to others through blogs and after reading all this through first hand accounts I think its time to start learning the ins and outs of this disease.
Maybe I'll be able to answer my friends questions better too, I feel like a bad represenation of MS sometimes when I can't even explain whats going on in my body or even whats going on with people with MS in general.
Wednesday, September 9
Tuesday, September 8
Last Friday: I drove home Friday morning. I had a four day weekend, my mom had a extra state fair ticket, so I went home. It's only about a 1 1/2 hour drive but sometimes it feels like a eternity. It was a nice day out, not too hot, but not too cold, but walking round for a few hours wiped me out. My mom and I made sure to get the "staple" items at the fair- deep friend oreos- chocolate milk from the giant milk machine- and a giant sausage, pepper and onion sandwich. The main reason I want to go to the fair that particular Friday was because of Switchfoot. Switchfoot was playing for free at 8PM that night and I am kinda in love with them. It was a awesome concert and of course I got a t-shirt to commemorate the night.
Last Saturday: My dad and I went for a motorcycle ride...we got lost a few times on some unmarked country roads, I was just glad we both had a gps. I drove back to school that afternoon, I had a ton of homework the past weekend and I knew I wasn't going to get anything at home if I stayed. When I got back to school I was exhausted and I ended up meeting up with a guy to hang out that night. I got lost getting to his house, two deer ran out in front of my car and it was a weird night. I was under the impression that he and I were just friends because I had made it clear that I am so not interested in anything...apparently the signals got crossed somewhere as he was all over me...after telling him I wasn't interested, I just got up and left. The worst part was that I was walking off the front step, missed the step, fell into a bush, started hysterically laughing as I wiped off needles from my sweater and hurried to my car. I of course told my two roommates- Hannah^2 immediately what had happened and I could barely get the story out without laughing. (Steph was away all weekend). That night our friends called in a fake report to security about noise in our room, we had to fill out reports because we knew who made the prank call, I got id because I happened to have a drink out...it was a pretty weird night...
Last Sunday- Homework and a bunch of us walked to Ben and Jerrys for ice cream. Yay Phish Food!
Monday- umm homework and lunch with my parents
the rest is a blur...
Today: I have one class at 8am...its now 7:34am...I woke up at 7:15am to my Sonic Boom alarm clock that even has a vibrating disc under my pillow that literly makes me jump out of bed. My phone alarm did go off at 6:45 but I turned it off and set it on the window, apparently I thought I could sleep forever today...I have been sleeping alot more lately, like 9+ hours a night...I wake up tired...I am tired all day...I'm just tired. Maybe it's school, maybe it's not...who knows...
Anyways I have Zumba in 50 minutes, and yoga tomorrow night...maybe some physical activity will help.
Thursday, September 3
I started out my morning bright and early with a Tysabri appointment. Apparently my past blood work has been hemolyzed ( uhh I think thats the right word, blood clots or something from the sample?). Anyways I had to get labs drawn at the labs office place, so lucky me I got needle sticks in both arms today. Sometimes I leave the hospital and I kinda feel like I resemble a drug attack with the marks on my arms...but then again Tysabri kind of does make me feel like a drug addict a bit...
Tysabri #9 went well, the funny part was during the whole questioner before the infusion.
Nurse: "any changes in your eyesight, balance or thinking?"
Nurse: " any chance of pregnancy?"
Nurse: " do you have a date?"
Me: "Uhhh no I dont have one (I just kept thinking why does she want to know about my dating life..."
Nurse: "You dont?"
Me " Uhhhh no... oooooooooooh! hahahahaha a date...I thought you meant a date date!...haha yes I have a date, like three weeks ago...!
Anyhoo I survived tysabri #9!
Wednesday, September 2
Tonight I was nicknamed "mom" of the apartment after I made a batch of cinnamon buns for tomorrow morning...but yeah I kinda wanted something to eat before I went tomorrow...
Steph will not be there tomorrow...she has a class...which means I will be going solo...even after a successful 8 infusions they still freak me out. I am still the girl who gets freaked out over blood and IVs...even after 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital and being stabbed 3 times a day minimum...
Tuesday, September 1
My college is going to require all high risk students (apparently I fall under that category now) and all student teachers (hey I fall under that category too) to get the swine flu vaccine once it is available. (If I fall under both categories, do I at least win a prize?) Anyways, I am kind of a anti vaccine girl...yes I have all my required immunizations but I know way to many people who get the flu shot and then get the flu, maybe its a milder version, I don't know but they still get it.
I like options and the idea of having it be required just makes me want it less. Of course there's that other fear that I get the vaccine and then I get sick too.
Monday, August 31
Today in one of my lecture classes I was called on to give a little summary as to prior activity discussion group topics. The class is co-taught by two instructors, a male and female. I was mid sentence explaining my ideas and thoughts to the male teacher when the female teacher, who the whole time while I was talking was fumbling on the complete other side of the room with her papers and bag, interrupted me to talk louder. OK, fine as me to speak up, but my issue is that to stop someone mid sentence prob. isn't the best idea. The annoying part is that for me at least, if I am interrupted when its not a one on one converstation I loose my train of though very easily. When its one on one conversation its easier to ask someone what I left of on, but this male instructor just stares at me and says ok continue, and I was blank, completely blank, I couldn't even remember what I was talking about. It is frustrating to have the instructor just stare at you, the class of 39 other students stare at you and you are blank. I know it happens to everyone, and I don't want to say it never happens to me, its just that I am having a hard time accepting that things have changed.
As much as I want to say that I have accepted everything, I can't.
I do realize that things take time, it still doesn't make that frustration melt away. I played soccer constantly from 6th grade until my junior year of high school. I had 2 dislocated shoulders, 1 dislocated hip, 2 left knee surgeries and then I was forced to quit when I had a right knee surgery. Everyone used to say I was insane for continuing to play, I was a injury magnet, but I was always super determined to be able to do whatever I set my mind to, and I did until I honetly couldnt. I was upset all of senior year not being able to participate in gym activities and soccer, but in the end I knew that while I could play I had a blast and I wouldnt change a thing. I have accepted the fact that my soccer career is long over, but it took a while for me to accept that.
I feel like accepting MS is so frustrating for me. It's so hard to explain to people where this frustration stems from. I can show people the scars on my knees from surgeries and they can easily see why I don't play soccer. I feel like MS is this imaginary mind game sometimes. Some days I feel great, I feel so much like my old self, and other days I fell like everything is falling down around me because of this disease that I can not even spell.
One thing that I have noticed is that I find that I can not participate in some of the discussions my friends and classmates are having. Like I can't deal with the whole, "I am tired" conversation. I have learned to avoid those like the plague, just because I know that it will not end well. Today in class two girls in front of me were discussing how they have never lost their voice and how they think it would be fun to. I just sat their and took a few deep breathes and opened a project to work on...I know I used to take it for granted but once you loose it and there is serious concern that you will not get it back, its funny how your views change. I wake up every morning, very thankful for what I have regain.
I think I might have gone off topic...
anyways in conclusion to my story above: as I sat unable to remember where I left off or even what I was talking about a kid from my group interjected to help out and take the pressure off me, thanks Kevin.
Saturday, August 29
and I looked sooo cute tonight. slouchy jeans, cute new shoes, way cool shirt, hair pulled up and off to the side...
one last good note, (500) Days of Summer...so amazing, its kinda a Indie, but amazing, so amazing.
Friday, August 28
I have my newest favorite artist, his name is K'naan, a Somalian-Canadian, he is a rapper, but more a a political twist from the ordinary rappers. His message that he projects is unique and his sound and ability is one of a kind..
I feel like the perfect business, occupation, passion for me would be to open a music store...I just which technology was not fading cd's out...it would be a dream to open a store like that...
Steph will be gone this weekend... so I decided to get out of my apartment I would make plans for Saturday night...so I made plans with a guy to see a movie...he said I could pick any one, so I picked (500) Days Of Summer...I am super excited, its kinda mainstream Indie I believe and it should be good.
Class in less than 8 hours...I just finished my homework for it about 5 minutes ago, I really don't think assignments should be assigned the night before they are going to be due (hello, earth to professors, if you want quality work please remember we have other classes, and I am pretty sure my other professors frown upon completing other homework during their classes.)
Tuesday, August 25
I am in two methods of teaching classes, and even though they are simply pass/fail courses, its still a lot of work. I am the only undergrad, so its me and 6 other grad students which the only plus is that I have had a previous class last spring with them, so I know them and they no longer present that whole intimidation front ( or maybe I am just to busy to notice). These two methods classes are in one way better than last semesters for one reason only, no video taping of the lessons we demonstrate. Video taping made me nauseous and was a serious distraction for me during my lesson.
I have also realized I need to demand in some aspects respects for my major in my general education classes. The professors seem to overlook the fact that I am present, and group me in the history group, the problem is that I am unwilling to conform to their expectations that I will just "pretend" I am a history major. I have and will continue to bring the business prospective and methods forward to my group...
I guess thats what happens when you are a little fish in a big tank. ( I say tank because well I still have a kinda small school...ocean would be more of a big public or giant private school).
Monday, August 24
In other less painful news, it was the first day of classes, also known as "Student Teaching Bootcamp." I was thrown into a room full of soon to be students teachers, all of them all ready in their clicks and then theres me, the only business and marketing undergrad at my school. I was not in a happy mood at all, so I wasn't in the whole lets be bff mode.
I also got a email today from NYS teacher certification that said:
Test: BUSINESS AND MARKETING
Total Score: 255 (out of 300)
Minimum Passing Score: 220
So I have now passed all three teaching exams...one step closer to being a teacher and no more tests! (well nys mandated ones!)
Now homework and then prob. lying in pain, I survived my first day though.
Sunday, August 23
I would like to thank you MS for this not so lovely Sunday. The pain, which I assume is from you, is so intense that it kinda makes me nauseous. The last time my mouth- my teeth,my gums, my tongue, my everything, my cheeks, my jaw- hurt this bad I am pretty sure it was when my wisdom teeth were pulled out.
Thanks to you MS, my roommates keep asking why I look so sad. Its hard to explain the pain in my face currently and when I do explain it they say something like "oh my arms hurt from moving in too".Thanks again MS, try to visit next time during a more convenient time, i.e. never.