Saturday, October 31

Yesterday as I was walking out to my car to head to school I managed to trip over air and roll my ankle. Of course its my ankle that I cant really feel and I definitely can't feel my foot either from a previous MS attack. So I just decided to head to school anyway... I soon however realised the my foot was throbbing in pain as I drove, one of those it hurts so much you're going to throw-up kinda pains. Long story short it still hurts, I woke up this morning to it throbbing...

But, its just another bump in the road...

I also got my swine-flu vaccine school decided yesterday to open vaccines to everyone on campus so I went after school to grab one to find health services mobbed. Luckily I had printed out my email stating that I was in the "top priority" category on campus so as soon as I signed my form I was called back and injected. I forgot that injection hurt when they get into your muscle...

Thursday, October 29

11th Tysabri Infusion

I had my 11th Tysabri infusion yesterday and everything went well. The NP that I saw a couple of weeks ago also stopped by to check up on me which was nice. I made sure to tell her how much I am enjoying the extra boost from the Ritalin and how it is really making a positive impact for me. She then told me how I just seemed to be functioning better and she noted that when she would ask me a question the last time I saw her it would take longer than normal to register and for me to spit out an answer and that this time things were much more natural and flowing.

It's always cool to have someone notice a difference. I also mentioned the whole H1N1 virus vaccination and she suggested I get one just because of the fact that I am working with so many people in I will be in health services tomorrow getting a needle stick.

I am really enjoying working in a high school. Its weird how much you actually start to enjoy being around your students. I never really knew what they actually thought about me but I was talking to the teacher across the hall today, who is also a business teacher, and he was mentioning how students have been telling him how much they like having me around. It's definitely very cool...a few students keep asking me if I will be working there soon.

I received a package in the mail yesterday, my parents sent a box of snacks for me and my roommates. In exchange for the package I was given a mission to track down a cd for my mom. My parents are coming for dinner on Sunday and she would like the cd by then. I LOVE these kind of challenges, sure you could buy it online...but for me its about the hunt. I can't wait to spend my Saturday tracking down the cd for her.

While I love being here, it's weird because this is the first semester I haven't been home in a long while. Usually I go a 3-4 times a semester but the last time I was home was the weekend of September 4th to see a concert. I do get to go home after I teach on the 24th of this month and I will have 4 days home. At this point I miss my's funny how I always miss my bed...

Monday, October 26

Pumpkin Patch

Saturday my roommates and I went to a nearby pumpkin patch at a local farm. Bird poop fell out of the sky and landed on my hand. This is the after picture. Isn't it lovely?!

Thursday, October 22

School stuff...and a few randoms

My teacher is absent today, well she had a conference and I got left with the sub. I am eating lunch in the classroom today, the sub randomly got up and left the room about 6 minutes before the bell went off to leave for lunch. He took the keys with him...I couldn't look the room up and the room is full of computers, and peoples bookbags, purses and whatever else students carry around these days. I thought about going to the teachers room like I usually do, but it would be awkward without my teacher here I am guardian of the classroom eating my peanut butter sand which (sadly I forgot the fluff) and drinking from my juice box, yes, I do bring a juice box to school with my sandwich in a brown paper bag. My roommates laugh and call me a little kid, but I always figure if I was a little kid I would be carrying around a Hannah Montana lunch pale.

The Ritalin is working. Actually I function so much better on it. I am focused, and can stay on task and when I talk things come out better. I don't mix up words in every sentence...its kinda cool. The best part is that I can actually see the change. I talked to my dad last night and he noticed the change that every other word wasn't jumbled up. Of course I am wired though, like more energy than I used to and its like I feel like I did before I got sick...I used to always have this much energy, and was always focused and on task, so I am really excited.

Plus it made my week to hear that my MRI scans were better than expected.

The real reason that I am writing is because I received an email today from my colleges health services, it was only addressed to me and the assistant director of student activities:

--------- College Student Health Services has received a limited supply of H1N1 vaccine.You are receiving this email because the CDC has recommended that certain individuals receive the 2009 vaccine when it first is available.If you are interested in receiving this free vaccine, please come to Student Health Services Tuesday October 27th 9 am-12 noon or Friday October 30th 2 pm-4 pm. No appointment is needed.You will be required to remain in health services for 15 minutes after you receive the vaccine, so please plan accordingly.If you have any questions about whether to receive this vaccine, please contact your primary care provider.Please go to the following website and review the Vaccine Information Sheet (VIS) before you come to receive your vaccine.

Thank you (then her info followed so obviously I left that part out)

Well, health services is aware of my MS, and they were not pleased with me last semester when I did not register with the students with disabilities office...soo I am sure they will be please when I do not get the flu shot...but in all honesty why should I get it? I prob should have ran it by the NP at the MS clinic when I was there, but hey I forgot...

My college is trying to REQUIRE all student teachers to get them...I know there are nurses in NYS who are refusing to get the vaccine and have already taken it to the state level and so far the court has not ruled either way, but the idea that its a requirement makes me even more irritated.

So I would love to hear any ones thoughts out there about getting the vaccine? The good, bad and the ugly, answers are always appreciated :)

Monday, October 19

MRI results and Neuro appointment

I got my MRI results today and good news, actually pretty amazing news is that my scan showed the least activity it has ever shown, which is kinda super duper cool. The NP that I met with was very cool and she definitely understood where I was coming from with my annoying MS hiccups and she quickly ruled out steriods to treat the fatigue. I guess she would normally start with that but since I do not respond to them I got prescribed Ritalin. Ritalin. Really...I was like, "uhhhh ok, last time I checked I do not have ADHD but who knows maybe it will help.

I don't know, does anyone have any experiences with Ritalin? Good, bad, the ugly...I'll take any information and thoughts...

Other than that, everything is good...ooh my observation for school went really well, I am actually starting to really like teaching.

Now it is bedtime...

Sunday, October 18

(un)happy anniversary to me

That is right, it’s my anniversary, my anniversary with MS that is. About this time one year ago my symptoms started took right off, by the next day I was unofficially diagnosed with MS in the ER and the officially diagnosed two days later in my hospital room. I remember thinking to myself that my life would never be the same. It is not like MS would simply go away, there is no magic pill, and there is no chance to go back to life without it.

It would be impossible for me to say that I am one hundred percent happy with how things are now, but like I have said so many times, I can still remember what it was like not to think about MS. At some point though you just have to suck it up and accept the fact that things have changed and they will forever remain changed. No matter how hard I try, I will always wake up with MS.

There have been many noticeable differences in the past year for me. Some of those differences have come and gone, some have remained and some have just started appearing. I am very grateful that the ones that have gone are gone; I will never take for granted the ability to speak, to smile, to laugh. I am grateful that the crippling spasms that I had for a month and a half have subsided. I am grateful that I was able to go back to school and push forward and recover to a functioning level.

As always with the positives always comes the negative. The extreme fatigue that I have been dealing with in the more recent weeks, the difficulty regulating my body temperature (steaming, hot, showers- oh how I miss thee), the constant speech mix ups, the problems controlling movements, these are just some of the things I hate and will always hate about this disease.

The funny thing about all that I have been through is in the end it’s made me insanely strong and determined. I refuse to sit on the sidelines, no matter how tired I am and how gross I feel, I always choose to step up to the plate and challenge myself. I don’t want people’s sympathy and it’s hard when people apologize to me for this disease – like they are the ones who gave it to me. When I told my co-operating teacher all about what was going on because I felt it was important to explain the things that could possible affect me, she kept apologizing. Trust me, if there was a person who was waving some magic wand giving people this disease I would be first in line to deck them, but there isn’t so apologies won’t help.

People’s apologies are not what make me stronger. My co-operating teacher kept commenting on how strong I must be and all I could say to her was that you have to be strong. Sure, I have and will always have days where getting out of bed seems pointless, but it is on those days that your true strength comes out and you push through everything. Those bad days have made me so much stronger, those bad days have added so much to my character, and those bad days are what push me to succeed. My friends that have stuck by my side this past year push me so much; they have no idea what they really mean to me.

As I wrap up this part of the post I would like to also say thank you to my readers. The fact that I have “followers” is mind blowing to me. The online MS community is amazing and supportive and it’s always great to know you are not alone. Lisa Emrich has done an amazing job gathering all the MS blogs in one place at the Carnival of MS Bloggers . When I started my blog I thought the idea of having people read it was terrifying and I was very tempted to block it from public access. I am so glad that I choose otherwise. The idea of letting my roommates or my friends read this blog is terrifying. To date, I have only sent the link to one of my friends and even that was a hard task to accomplish. Maybe eventually I will be able to give them the link…maybe in a few years...

Once again thank you all so much for reading, commenting and for writing such amazing blogs.

P.S- I had my MRI Friday, I have my appointment tomorrow at 3:30 with my neurologist and his nurse practitioner…I have to remember to write out my questions and concerns because I know I will not remember them by tomorrow afternoon. Oh also, my dinner last Wednesday night with the 20’s and 30’s something MS group went well, dinner was really tasty and the guest speaker was an Aromatherapist. I will say that having a aromatherapist at dinner is not top of my list just because she kept passing around different essential oils all throughout dinner and had us smell them. It kind of killed my appetite, good thing for doggy bags though. I promise to write more about the aromatherapist sometime this week, it was very interesting to say the least.

Wednesday, October 14

Free dinner...

Tonight was the dinner that I blogged about a while ago in a post named wow, seriously is this for real? I had a long day, I don't feel good but I promise I will blog about it tomorrow before or after school...

For now I just wanna sleep and get through my observation tomorrow...wish me luck...

Tuesday, October 13

Oh appointments

I taught today and of course in the back of my mind was doctors and MRIs. I made the decision last week to tell my cooperating teacher what was going on MS wise. I haven't planned on telling her, but I guess my reasoning behind that was that if its not bothering me, why do I need to put it out there. I didn't want her worrying about giving me to much work, or over stressing me...ect. Since I haven't been feeling so great I decided that I would let her know what was going on.

I told her what was going on and of course she had a ton of questions...we talked for a good 40-50 minutes about it. I felt so bad because I kept trying to explain things and she just sat there and looked as if she was going to cry, and she couldn't believe how much I had been through...It;s weird to see other peoples reactions to things like that, but she is surprised about how positive I am about everything but I keep telling her that you have to be, its no good to sit and sulk ( as much as I want to sometimes) but you have to keep pushing forward.

I'm glad she knows just so she realizes that when I kinda have problems saying things and getting my thoughts out she at least knows why. I told her today that I was expecting two phone calls to schedule appointments and she was totally ok with me making calls during lunch to get everything straightened out.

My neuros office called and left a message that said I could be seen Thursday at 10 or 10:30...ok so I try not to be a difficult patient but Thursday is a bad bad day for appointments. At 10:45- 12:45 I am being observed while I teach a class by my professor at college...I HAVE to be there, so I called the office back to reschedule, I told them any other time I could do but that time...the secretary responded harshly with " You need to be seen ASAP, this is your appointment either take it or not"...I was thrown back a bit, but once again explained my situation and she responded with " The next appointment available is in January" that point I said I would have to find a new doctor, and before I could finish my sentence she spit out " How about Monday at 3:30"... Talk about irritating...

The MRI place also called and scheduled a appointment Thursday at either 12 or I called back and explained my situation and the woman on the phone rescheduled me very politely for Friday at 11:30...I couldn't believe the difference in phone calls...I have to leave school early but my cooperating teacher keeps reminding me that my health is more important than watching her teach a lesson...I still feel guilty...but oh well I guess, I am really thankful that she is so understanding.

My symptoms have kinda leveled off, everything is still off, fogginess,balance and coordination are a bit off, fatigue is at a all time high, I have a horrible headache, I have noticed slurring words...teenagers will pick you apart for that but in my head it sounds right but you see the looks on kids faces and they are like "huh?" but yeah its just frusterating, and my legs throb ( I am not sure what that one is about, but OMG the thought of moving makes my body hurt)...

Anyways, off to bed, I am dead...hello 9:40 bedtime...

Monday, October 12

new update...

that was fast...the RN, my dr's partner in crime, at the office called back...and she is going to talk to my doctor but it looks like I get another trip in the MRI machine and a visit with my fun fun...its funny how they never give you the answer you want, even though I dont really know what I was expecting...
Its been a few days since I posted and in all honesty wasn't planning on posting today but I when I was reading through blogs last night I realized I was given a award from a fellow blogger (thanks Denver Refashionista!) so I thought I should probably keep up my blog.

Last Thursday and Friday were "Reading Days" at my college, so my roommates all went home and lucky me still had to teach at high school. So Thursday and Friday I taught, and helped out my teacher with various things.

Saturday I went shopping with my brother and then we went to my grandparents for the day and helped out with various things around the house.

Everyone came back yesterday and thats about it. I don't have school today, its prob. a good thing because I honestly am drained. I did my laundry on Sunday morning just after I got up and after 2 loads of laundry I took a nap. Basically I get some small task done and then want to sleep. I graded papers this morning and wanted to sleep. So along with being extremely tired, I just have more of that "I just dont feel right" feeling...somethings off. Steph ( my roommate ) noticed it this morning wen we were filling out our calendar for this week thats posted in our kitchen. I wrote "Meeting with Dr. 6" and Steph looks and laughs and then I realize 6 is not C, it should have been Dr. C... like I said in my last blog I have noticed and more things that just kinda stand out as little red flags.

I had actually decided last night that this morning I would call my neurologists office and talk to my doctors RN person, I know I'm so technical in my terminology. So this morning I called, it was just before 10 and of course I was on hold for a while, then I got to leave a message with the person who answers the phone and she said the person I wanted to contact wasent in yet but she would leave a message...its 4:30 now so I am pretty sure I wont here from her today.

I am not one of those people who waits by the phone, but its annoying when you just want someone to call you back. I figure she'll call me back like tomorrow when I am at school...I wouldn't be all that surprised really...ohh well, at least I tried.

Wednesday, October 7

Over the last day or two I have noticed some things that seem "off" ( more off than I usually am) ... nothing big but little things that make me go , hmmmmmm. Like 4 or 5 times a day I have noticed that my leg muscles or arm muscles start to contract randomly...nothing crazy intense but it brings back bad memories of crazy intense spasms. The other thing is just that I am more glitchy then I remember being, especially when I am doing a specific when I eat and I bring my fork to my mouth, my fork and hand get shaky and its not a straight path and theres lots of stopping and reconnecting...

I had a super stressful class yesterday so I really need to practice the whole, just breathe kinda thing...

Monday, October 5

food poisoning :(

Thats right, food poisoning...its been 26 hours of feeling like shit. I've managed to keep down some saltines luckily...but I had school today and I was ok until I ate lunch...lunch was a bad choice, I thought I was going to pass out during class...but yeah saltines are ok...gatorade is blah...but I don't know fluids seem to be important...

Sunday, October 4


I have been exhausted the past few days, but instead of staying in bed and sleeping I have been determined to keep up with my friends. Friday was homecoming at the school I am student teaching at. I taught my first lesson... unfortunately it was the class before the big pep rally, but it all worked out well. Steph and I went to the actual homecoming game, the team won but the weather was horrible. It poured all night but luckily the rain kept us awake.

Steph and I spent the day out and about yesterday which was fun, and we were able to catch her brothers J/V soccer game. Today is one of my other roommates ( Hannah) 21st birthday. Last night we celbrated with sour apple martinis. I think our "bartender" for the night needs some mixology lessons because they were insanly strong. The funniest part was since we did not have martini glasses she used big plastic cups which she filled with instead of like one martini each glass had like 3 or 4...lets just say we all slept good last night...

Tonight we are heading to dinner at one of my favorites, Red Robins for some super yummy hamburgers and then off to bed early because I student teach all this week.

Thursday, October 1

I think I may be too tired to even title this blog. Today was my offical day 1 of student teaching. 1 day done...After I got back from school around 4 today Steph and I hung out, then we grabbed dinner and then it was yoga, 6:15-7:30. Now I am absolutely exhausted.

I had my 10th tysabri infusion yesterday afternoon. The infusion nurse suggested that if I am still super exhausted and dragging a extra Solumedrol infusion would prob. help. She offered to let my neurologist know but I was a bit hesitant...I would much rather avoid any unnecessary infusions if I can. Its easier to contribute the added tiredness to school and student teaching and busyness, but who knows. I did however promise to call the office if I am still feeling not so great in a week.

Tomorrow I will teach my first lesson to high schoolers. Did I mention that the lesson I am teaching is during the block before the peep rally. I am fully counting on students to be a bit wound up, but my teacher is leaving the room when I teach so hopefully I can do it.

Finally tv time...and then bed