I've had a hell of a year. To think that it has only been a year just blows my mind. It's so hard to block out everything that has happened and just pretend that everything is how it used to be but in a way everything seems to be the same. I have been growing out my hair, I always hated long hair but I had such puffy cheeks from all the steroids, having long hair was something I could control. Wednesday afternoon I had it all chopped off. All my friends are still under the assumption that I had it just trimmed. I have been home since Tuesday night for Thanksgiving break. I decided well over a month ago that I needed to feel like I used to. I always hated long hair...I love when my hair is short. Hair is one of those things that I can control. While everyone said they loved my hair long, I choose to chop it off.
My hair was a reminder of everything that I was trying to hide from. I was hiding from my steroid cheeks, I was hiding from the MS. As many times as I tried to convince myself that I could fight it, I just wanted to believe that so badly that at times I did believe it.
As I look in the mirror now, I finally see my old self. That person that I started to believe did not exist. She's back...and she is so ready to kick ass.
I guess this is just a quick hello post, I'm still working on grasping this idea of a new, but old me, this year I lost my sense of direction but I am finally starting to navigate through the muddy waters that I now call my life. I am truely happy though- I started to forget what happy even was- I'm not scarred of what is waiting in the future- I know that I can do anything- I can honestly say I am happy with the decisions I have made this past year, I wouldn't change a thing...I am happy, I am content, I can look into the mirror and finally love what I see.
So...I am still breathing and I promise to check in again in the upcoming weeks...but until next time...<3
"Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition
The sunshine's been missing but Katie,
Don't believe that it isn't there.
Oh and Katie, Katie be happy
This world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful?
We're not really here, and we're really not there
We're really not there."