When did blogging become so difficult?

I wish I knew why it is so hard for my to write out my thoughts. I guess that maybe I don't want to actually spell them out because then its a reality. Why would that be so, it probably wouldn't be at all...it might actually help.

I am actually thinking about therapy for the first time ever...my school offers its...and maybe it will help sort things out. Then again if I can't write out my thoughts how am I going to actually physically say them.

Isn't there some machine yet that we can be hooked out that can just download our thoughts with one click?

Since I am not going to talk about anything that is really bothering me, and I just seem to be tip-toeing around everything I'll change the subject.

Music. I took a trip today to this place downtown and grabbed some cds...

- XX by The Xx...if a record could morph into a person, I would marry whatever man came out of this record in a heartbeat. This band is out of London and has this sleek sound and is just oozing in this cool, dark, perfect for a bar, smoky, sexy vibe. (I must be broken I used sexy in a sentence...yuck) Truth is, I never realized Indie could be so utterly amazing, I usually write it off before it hits my ears. This though, I can't turn it off, its calming, yet intriguing.

- Save Me, San Fransciso by Train. This is Trains latest release and yeah not really feeling it completly...I do however like a few songs...Hey, Soul Sister - Marry Me - and Breakfest in Bed...those three are my favorites...so its not a bad albulm at all...just not what I expected...

- Cycles by Cartel. A fellow blogger, Heather, had a Cartel song playing on her blog for a bit and it caught my attention...All I can say is that this cd is just great to listen to. It's great all the way through and the first time and then again the second and third times...no complaints.

And now its time to go to bed...well not really...just listen to XX and solve some Sodokus before I fall asleep.

13th Tysabri Infusion...I think its 13...or maybe 12

I am currently miserable. I had my 13th (I think...I lost count) infusion yesterday and all went well. Had bloodwork done also at the lab so I got 2 nice bruises on my arms. I went to bed early last night because I was exhausted.

Woke up this morning in pain, everything hurt and everything still hurts. Every muscle, every joint, every inch of my aches. Strange. My brother decided to be a complete ass today, he is 19, and so instead of being able to drive separately to the wake, we had to go with separately my parents. I tried to explain that I felt like shit and it would prob. make more sense for me to go so I could leave early and avoid staying for 3+ hours. No one seemed to listen until about 20 minutes into the wake my mom apparently noticed that me standing was a bad combination and I was quickly given the keys to the car and go to go hang on the couch at my grandparents. When every joint throbs its hard to stand and pretend like everything is peachy. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow, it is Christmas Eve tomorrow for goodness sakes.

Long Day...

I had no intentions on posting anything lately...but today was a weird day.

My family was on our way to my grandparents. My grandpas sister and her husband live next door, and have for ever. Today my great uncle, my grandpas sister husband, collapsed as he stepped outside of there house to go to lunch. We found out on our way to my grandparents. We still went. Paramedics worked on him outside in the snow, but he was gone. He was 86. My grandpa held him as he died. As we pulled into my grandparents you could see the spot, all the snow compacted down...We were supposed to visit them today, I hadn't seen them since the summer...guess plans change.

It was a long day. It was a long day for my great aunt. She and her husband were married 63 years. 4 hours after he died...she had a heart attack. Shes in stable condition. I can't imagine losing a sole mate.

Tysabri on Tuesday. I'm going to stay with Steph tomorrow...should be fun.

I kinda suck at blogging...

and I apologize for that...but I'm sure everyone has those brief moments in time that you just are not interested in anything...I'm home from college for winter break and I'm just moving through the paces...nothing really interests me, nothing but music currently...so I'll leave you with a verse from a song that I love...

"Taste the saline rolling down your cheekbone

Tell me that you're alone, tell me on the telephone

Feel your heart it breaks within your chest now

Try to get some rest now,

Sleep's not coming easy for a while, child"

-Something Corporate - Down -

Tomorrow is my last day of student teaching. It's currently 11:46PM and all I am wishing for is a snow day tomorrow. I'm officially over student teaching.