This weekend at work was just tiring. Between the kids and parents, my stress level just sky rockets insanely quickly and it stays up there all day until I feel like I am going to pass out on a table and fall asleep.
I have never handled stress easily. Stress easily eats away at me for days and I just let it. I realize that stress and MS are not best friends and yet the attempt to cut out the stress in my life is not a easy task to accomplish.
I am very hard on myself. I over analyse every situation one hundred times more than necessary. I really need to learn how to just take a deep breathe and let go of whatever is bothering me. I beat myself up yesterday pretty good though. My dad and I went on a motorcycle ride and I was excited because we always get lunch and its just nice to have something to share with him. My brother, who shares the bike with me, dumped the bike last Friday in the city. I guess he downshifted to fast, then let out the clutch to soon, so the engine speed and tire speeds wern't match and well the bike threw him off. He luckily walked away with just a few scratches in his jacket but the bike had a few bent parts. Anyways, my dad and I took off don our street and as I went to shift I realised I couldn't...the shifter was way to high and well my foot couldn't bend to shift it, so I was not a happy camper as I rode around in first back home. Luckily my dad is Mr. Fixit so he grabbed some tools and fixed it and away we went. I however, was just not with it, and stalled a grand total of 9 times...its like a mental thing for me, once I stall, I just cant stop thinking about it. Luckily I can restart the bike up fast enough that my dad barely realises that I stalled.
It was nice though, we drove through Chittengo Falls, and its the curviest road I have yet been on, so I was a a happy girl.
...fast forward to today. This morning I got up and headed to the DMV to renew my license. Of course as a special gift from the DMV for turning 21 the state tags on a 58 dollar fee so that when I turn 21 I can be given a license that do not say Under 21 on it.
I also got my hair cut. My hair dresser asked me all about MS and Tysabri and expressed her concerns...its weird because I can answer questions like nothing but I just answer them robotically, I honestly would rather not discuss it with people.
I also baked two batches of brownies today because tomorrow morning I head to Rochester! I am seeing uh the guy, friend, I am not sure where we stand, but I am seeing him, then I am spending the night with my best friend Steph and then I have my Tysabri treatment Thursday at 9:30. Steph is coming with me and I could not be happier about that. The more I think about it, the more it stresses me.
I don't think I will ever be totally OK with being pumped full of drugs. Thursday will be my 6th treatment...and yeah whatever, I'm stressed...whats new. Every time I walk in that hospital I get flashbacks and everything just rushes back and its overwhelming...I'm glad Steph is going though.
Well, I am off to bed, will post again Thursday or Friday...