Now for my ever so elegant blog...Today there was a high of 86, you know that heat that makes it feel like you are suffocating. Luckily my classes were short so I didn't pass out or anything. Some things I did notice thought with the hotter than hot heat is that by mid afternoon my body definitely wanted to shut down. I came up with this formula during accounting and then simplified it my consumer behavior class: heat + humidity = MS Nightmare
I am rather tired and have chills and my legs kill. So I am just crossing my fingers it is my body just not agreeing with the heat and nothing serious. I need to make it through the next week and then my body can take a break.
I was trying to think of some super cool topic to talk about so that I don't just ramble, but I guess I will talk about how in life things are thrown at us, and you have to learn to roll with the punches. So obviously I never expected to get diagnosed with MS. I guess no one really assumes they have it until a doctor tells them. Some people I have met talk about how they had a inclination that they had MS before they were truly diagnosed, but I know for me, I was in utter and complete shock.
I will never forget the day in my hospital room, mid afternoon, with two neurologists confirming what I had been told in the ER that I did in fact truly have MS. From their everything really was a blur, apparently my parents and doctors decided that it was best to drug me. They pumped my views full of Ativan to treat the anxiety, well it treated more than anxiety. I was a happy camper and was so out of it. I found everything to be funny and to be amusing. I never really had to deal with the fact that I was just diagnosed with this life changing thing.
The three weeks where I was out of the hospital and the in between time between flair-ups I was left to think and to become completely depressed in my dorm. It was a awful feeling to be dumped back at school, not knowing what your body is going to do next and not knowing what MS really was. During my second flair-up and my two and a half week hospital stay I guess I became more aware of what was going on. While I had my ups and downs, I realised that the more downs I had the better.
I am not going to lie, having four rounds of plasmapheresis, two which were back to back, knocked my down father than I ever though possible. I guess it should, because technically it is kinda a weird procedure.
"Plasmapheresis is a process in which the fluid part of the blood, called plasma, is removed from blood cells by a device known as a cell separator. The separator works either by spinning the blood at high speed to separate the cells from the fluid or by passing the blood through a membrane with pores so small that only the fluid part of the blood can pass through. The cells are returned to the person undergoing treatment, while the plasma, which contains the antibodies, is discarded and replaced with other fluids. "
But yeah I will never forgot those treatments. After the first one, I felt like someone just beat me up but I told myself, it cant get any worse. I guess some people react poorly...i.e- me. Then I had the second treatment the next day, my doctors were trying hard to get me in fast because my relapse was so bad. I remember that afternoon was a nightmare, that night I could barley get out of bed, I couldn't lift my fork. My doctors played with all the levels of stuff like calcium, potassium...ect in my body, but the next day I woke up in horrible shape. I could barely get out of bed. My doctors gave me like 4 days to recover from that, and then I started to get bad spasms... I was plagued by them for the longest time and really the whole ordeal was a mess. The plasma people didn't want to do anything cause they thought they were causing my spasms...but they were not, my body just felt like attacking itself a bit more.
So yeah I had some rough days...fears of what was happening, what would happen next, the future is scary. Unpredictability is scary. The future is scary. The bad part is that you have to learn to accept and deal with what life gives you. You can choose to live in some fairytale where happiness can be faked or you can choose to deal with anything that life throws at you.
I know that if I can deal with my whole hospital ordeal, I can definitely deal with anything life decides to throw at me. Gathering up strength from past experiences can definitely help you conquer things that you once thought were impossible.
And that is enough blog for tonight...we are heading over to the breakfast soon but I will leave you with some song lyrics. The band is Bedouin Soundclash and the song is 12:59 Lullaby.
it's silent in the early morning the only sound is my breathing
as i lay awake not knowing where it will be i'm going.
but i know, time moves slow at 12:59, i sing lullaby
and if you want me to sing you a song, i know that theres a 12:59 lullaby tonight.