great day...really nice, it was springfest, won 44 dollars in 20 seconds...but now I am working on homework...I am working the door at a mixer from 12-2 tonight which means I will see all the drunk people on campus dance horribly...but for some reason as I do my homework I am on the verge of tears. I dont know why but I hate when my friends tag my in facebook...I still have not accepted my new outter appearence...I still think of myself as the old me...then I see a picture and I see the new me, and well I dont see any imporivemnts, all I see is big cheeks and just everything has expanded...my body refuses to shed steriod weight even though I eat healthy...and it is crazy how much one picture can make me so insecure...but it is like I see a picture of myself and I think, what I used to look like, then my thoughts head farther south to the level of I am gonna end up some crazy cat lady by the time I am 30...
A girl I know who is a senior, is engaged...I dont think that helps. You always want what other people have...I would love to be free of MS, I would love to at least have a guy around...I want something...I hate feeling like I drew the short stick in life. I can pretend to smile but inside its still a frown...I still miss the old me, and I still remember what the old me is...
This I guess, is me having a breakdown...
Maybe drunk stumbling people will distract me enough from crying till my head hits my pillow at 2am...
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