Wednesday, March 4

its fa la la wednesday

i woke up this morning feel horrible. i listened to coldplay last night when i fell asleep and had it on repeat all night so who knows what it did to my brain. i love coldplay but i can only listen to it when i am in a bad mood. so yeah its playing right now.

in my classes today i had this weird urge to blog and just cry. i could imagine myself blogging and pouring everything out. but instead i will do what i do best, just hold it all in. actually the last time i actually shed a tear was during the curious case of benjamin button. 

it was weird cause i really could see myself on my bed with my laptop and a box of tissues just letting it all out. my eyes feel like the will release their flood gates at any moment but it is like all i have to do is give them a push and i cant. so i sit here totally with dry eyes.

my two suite mates are in the background shrieking at american idol. i dont know someone must be amazing or hot. my roommate is sitting across me, staring at me while i pretend to write a email so she wont ask questions. it amazes me how good of a liar i am.

coldplay really makes me want to cry. the lyrics to their music all smashed and smushed together in my head created this massive coldplay song that hit on every lyric i find to be sad or depressing and my mind just dug those thoughts so far in to the point where it hurt.

somedays i dont know what to say aloud even though i know exactly what i want to. i am the best at acting like i have no idea just cause i know the other person wouldnt or doesnt wanna hear it. some times i think i do it to protect the other person. i think its just to protect me.

i wish that i had a time machine. i want to skip tomorrow. tomorrow is gonna be too long and too much stimulation. i hate when i am in over stimulated situations, i freeze up and just wanna combust. tomorrow i will want that self combust button.

what is tomorrow you ask? well, its the state DECA competition, duh. i am working it or something because my co-op teacher that i observe wants me to go. so i will and i will hate it and i will network and wanna freak out. 8 hours of torture. 

i am feeling a bit obsessive compulsive during this post, each paragraph must have 4 lines max and no less than three...i did have one above and i had to change it which took alot of work readjusting. coldplay is a good band, well not good, amazing.

by the way- i keep finding myself tripping up, i dont know if i am just having an off day but when i would walk through campus i would trip a few times to class. it was weird cause i would always catch myself but it kept happening.

i have also had a headache. at least i havent had any nose bleeds cause then i would be worried that i should really be a character on LOST. ok i have to admit i love that show. sawyer is really really amazing hot.

sorry for the randomness, but i feel jumbled inside so therefore this post needs to feel jumbled. shit i need another line, anyways i am hoping there will be another ms group meeting sometime soon and hopefully when i am not on spring break. i need one.

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