Monday, March 2

on thin ice

i had an amazing blog planned for today. really i did. the sad part is that i did not write down anything to help me remember what to blog about so instead of writing some amazing blog, i am sitting here trying to think of something to write about.

during entrepreneurship my teacher was standing right next to me and he asked why are harleys? and no one spoke, i kinda just whispered quietly, they are loud and nosey, he looked down and looked surprised and he goes, "ok, what else steph?" so i responded with well its a status thing and he and the rest of the class were all surprised that i knew something about motorcycles...

today was my super super long day which was actually ok. i made it through all my classes and actually was able to shock my consumer behavior class and professor because apparently no one assumes that someone who looks young and innocent and so you know not so biker like. I thought it was a bit fun to kinda break peoples impressions of me.

i also had night class and i actually stepped in and participated. i soo hate participating but the adults in my class ( btw they are all real adults like 28years old +) were so stupid and obnoxious. when the question, would you kill a person if they were breaking into you house to steal your possessions even if they were not going to kill you? I was the only one in the class (which is like 7 people) to say no. yeah i would not like invite someone to take my stuff, but honestly is killing someone worth a dad, who is a fireman, always tells my brother and i one thing about fires and firefighting, you can always replace your stuff...but you can never replace your family and you can never be replaced.

despite the really good day, i have the feel that i am bound to crash soon. i am insanely antsy, i am easily frustrated, i just make people mad at me or i get mad at them so i dont have to talk. i am stuck talking to my roommate cause well i live with her 24/7 but honestly all i wanna do is curl up and sleep or cry or eat ice cream and watch sad movies...i get into that funk where its easier to cut off from anyone and everyone than deal with stuff. the kinda of feeling where all you wanna do is get in your car and drive. the kinda where i honestly could get mad at someone if they looked at me the wrong way. some kinda of unhealthy destructive way. i have lost two best friends to this. i wish i came with a warning that said: caution i do and will make you hate me or that i will get you made at me or that i will hate you and that you shouldnt walk away cause i need you even though i dont say it.  i am just the kinda of person that gets freaked out when i get close to some to someone, so i need space and then i will bounce back to normal...i usually always do. except if you decide to hate me...well then that always sucks

but currently i am skating on thin ice...on the verge or some breakdown...i can only play it cool for so long...

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