i feel numb to everything around me. i feel as if everyday is the same. i am just walking through life numb to everything around me. i kinda like pain cause at least i know i am not numb to everything. in the past few months things have changed so much that i think it overwhelmed me to the point of where i cant handle anymore. i wonder if i have accepted everything in my life and most days i think yeah, i totally accept it all but when it comes time to talk about it, i cant...
i feel alone and it could easily be my fault. i dont let people in, nor do i believe i should. i dont need to tell people what i feel or what i am thinking because they dont get it. i have shut out my friends, my family and i put a fake smile on my face and pretend that its all ok.
somedays it is ok...others i just feel like i really need a good burrito and a couple of drinks...
that flyer is still in my desk...if i take it out and pursue it, it means things are real and i need to deal...maybe i am not ready to deal...
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